Our bottle of tears….. February 15, 2013

Beloved, our Father God watches over you and me. His heart is tuned in to our cries, He hears the deep anguish of our spirit, He sees the burdens and wounds our hearts carry…. Our tears are precious to Him, stirring His very heart causing Him to respond to our tears.

There will come a day when our Heavenly Father will come for His children. He will embrace us in His comforting arms and He will forever wipe all our tears away .

And I wonder, will He show us those bottles of tears He has been collecting?

Will He whisper to our hearts~ “Do you see this bottle here? These are the tears you cried… You see my child, you were never forgotten or abandoned, you were never forsaken or left on your own. I heard your heart, I saw how broken it was, I felt your tears and I was there all along, comforting you.”

My friends, do you know that our tears speak a special language to the very heart of God…..

He loves you….He loves you….He loves you…. so let the tears flow… and know that our Father God cares for you intimately and with great passion beloved….

For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living. Psalm 116:8-9

Isaiah 38:5 “Go back to Hezekiah and tell him, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of your ancestor David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears.”

Job 16:20 “My friends scorn me, but I pour out my tears to God.”

Psalm 56:8
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

Psalm 126:5 “Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.”

Emmanuel~God with us! December 28, 2012

I love Christmas! It is a season to celebrate but all too soon it ends and life goes on…..
I don’t know if you are like me but too often I go into the new year with resolutions and a resolve to do better, to improve myself and to make a difference. However, the road can become long, I grow tired and weary, and all my good intentions seem to fall by the wayside.

Life is a journey… perhaps it is just the anticipation of a new year but I find I get reflective and find myself asking; is God not bigger than the boxes I try to keep Him in…and life not larger than the labels I would paste on it.

I love it when the Holy Spirit gently whispers to my spirit that God is big, and although life is large if I look I will find surprises at every turn, unexpected mercy in times of need, unbridled grace when I surrender and the love of God at the end of every road.
He reminds me that a life of faith is not built on my own strength, but on the
strength and goodness of God.

This Christmas as I lit a solitary candle and took some time to rest in my heavenly Fathers presence, I realized that of all the awesome events in the story of Christ’s birth – the star, the angels, the shepherds, the wise men – the most remarkable is simply the fact that He came!

Emmanuel-God with us….long after the celebration is over, the Christmas tree is taken down and the decorations are put away may we remember that we are no longer alone, the Prince of Peace has come to tell us how much we are loved by the Father.

And as I bundled up on a crisp, winter evening and stepped outside to view the magnificence of the stars in a cloudless, night sky I was reminded that God is guiding all of us just as He did the wise men who sought the child….if we will take the time to listen and to follow.

Emmanuel- God with us. My prayer is that we will always remember that the presence and mercy of our Heavenly Father is with us at all times, that the light of Christ’s love surround us…May grace and gratitude overflow…and may the joy of Christmas live in your heart all year round.

The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give
you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

Twitter December 2, 2012

Hi everyone, this is just a quick post to let you know that I am now “tweeting” on Twitter.

You may be wondering why I chose to go this route as well as my blog and the reason is mostly because I don’t always get the time to post on the  blog but I can usually manage to share a sentence or two….so, I decided to use the micro-blogging platform, Twitter.  As the Spirit leads I will continue post some blogs.

My heart is still, and always will be, for those wounded by abuse because abuse often  leaves us with a broken heart and a wounded spirit.

Through “tweeting” my desire is to continue to offer words of life, encouragement and hope….and my prayer is that through what I share, both here and twitter that Christ would bring comfort and healing….. through Him the broken hearted can find healing!!

You can follow me on Twitter as Tamarshope

Setting our hearts on pilgrimage-Part 2 November 26, 2012

If you read my one of my previous posts Setting our hearts on pilgrimage you will know that my husband and I took a trip to England in September. And if you read the post then you will know the significance of this trip for me, it was a journey to discover more of my roots.

My dad was a Canadian soldier in World War 2, and while there he met a young English woman. They got married while he was stationed there, and after a few months he was sent home, my mom followed shortly after.

Little did anyone know that she would die at the young age of 34, leaving behind a husband and 4 children. I was the youngest, just 6 months old, and for reasons I’ve never fully understood I was taken from my father and raised by my aunt and uncle.

I grew up not knowing my dad but I did know most of the relatives on his side of the family. But it was my mom’s side of the family that I never knew.

You know how we have the habit of saying, or at least I have said it to my husband, “you sound just like your mom” (which is a good thing, don’t get me wrong)….or you look in the mirror one morning and say, “I am my mother” (at least my daughters have told me they’ve said that!!)…..well, I could never say that because I never knew my parents.

As a little girl I would often cry myself to sleep longing for my mom….even as a young girl I knew that someday I was going to go to England, the country of her birth. And so this past September my dream came true.

I knew my uncle, my mom’s brother, through letters, emails and phone calls….he did come to Canada 16 years ago for a short visit….but I still had lots of questions, as well as relatives there that I’d never met. I went not knowing if they would be like the Waltons or the Adams family…thankfully they were not like the latter!

I spent many hours with my uncle pouring over photos, asking questions and learning more about my mother and my heritage. I learned what kind of woman she had been, and I knew that even though I didn’t know her, I carried some of her traits. One afternoon while going through photos my uncle stopped and looked at me and said: “do you know that today would have been your mom’s birthday” coincidence? I don’t think so….

During our time in England we took a tour to the southern part known as the English Riviera, while there we took a boat across the bay to Dartmouth. While on the boat I looked back at the shore line and thought about my mom…how she must have felt leaving on a ship with other war brides headed for Canada. Looking back at her country did she wonder if she would ever see her homeland or her family again. Did she have any idea what the Canadian prairies during the harsh winter months were going to be like?

That day on the boat, lost in my thoughts, what I sensed in my spirit was that my mom was a woman of courage and strength. And this is the common thread that I have seen handed down through the generations, in the lives of my daughters and just like it took God’s courage and strength for me to face my painful and abusive childhood and find healing.

I don’t know why my mom had to die at such a young age, I have learned not to question my heavenly Father but to trust Him….and I have learned that it is all about the journey-and His presence can be found in every step.

As God writes the stories of our lives he uses our past to open up our future. God reveals himself to you, and to others, through the story He has written in your life.

God gave me two Scriptures when I became a Christian at age 22, one is Psalm 16: 6: “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” And another Scripture, Joel 2:23-24 says: So I will restore the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust and the chewing locust. In this passage we find there are 4 different kinds of locusts, one takes the flower, one takes the stem, one takes the leaf, and one takes the root, so when they are done there is virtually nothing left. Yet, God’s promise to me was that He would take the heart of a bruised and battered child, who suffered in silence, and heal and restore her again.

These two verses have been such a source of strength and encouragement in some of my most challenging and darkest times.

God took a broken little child and restored her……He took a wounded young girl and offered her healing….and He took a woman, filled with shame and promised her life!!

The Lord doesn’t reclaim the years of the locust….He restores them! He restores them to demonstrate His grace, to bring praise to His name, and to reveal His power…..How can we not Thank HIM!!

Today, I can testify that He has indeed given me a delightful inheritance….and as Psalm 78:4 reminds me; “We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord and His power, and the wonders He has done.”

And I am thankful beyond words…..when I was on the plane watching England fade into the distance, the tears softly flowed….not tears of grief, but tears of deep gratitude, because God had answered the prayers of a little, abandoned girl so many years ago, and gave her the connection and family she’d always longed for

….no I never knew my mom or my dad, but I’ve known and tasted the goodness of my Lord, and to Him I am forever grateful!

Friendship is a gift…. November 1, 2012

Friend. It’s a word whose meaning can be perplexing and whose usage is often overdone in our fast-paced, social media, digital world. Increasingly, our circles of “friends” are far reaching, yet often times those relationships can be paper-thin.

Even so, there’s nothing like the sustaining strength, encouraging and life-enriching power of a true friend, a heart friend, a forever friend. And we need them now more than ever!

Maybe you are like me where I am often surrounded by people, many  whom I love dearly, yet even so, I get lonely.

I read once that women of all walks of life are crying out for community and close relationships. This need for “authentic community” is so palpable that churches and organizations everywhere are researching and publicizing these buzzwords.

Women from all ages and seasons of life find themselves at times hurting, wounded and struggling. They find themselvs lonely and long for that special friend.

Young moms who are often home alone for hours with an infant and toddler, are desperate for some adult conversation…..sadly, they find that all the women around them are too busy, or don’t initiate relationships. Maybe they get together with others for coffee, yet they still long for that one close friend….. and their soul craves intimate conversations, that friend that they feel united in spirit with, friends that infuse them with hope.

And then there are other women, whether busy with their career, or facing the empty nest, or at the season in their lives where they are busy being the caregivers for ageing parents, who find themselves lonely for deep connection.

Women who may be surrounded by people all day but still don’t feel close to anyone. Maybe they know a lot of people but can’t say that they have real close friendships.

Deep adult friendships are treasured and priceless and they seem rare some days too.

We women wrestle against the crunch of busy lives and our best intentions; against the insecurities that follow us and our desire for close relationships.

I have had best friends over the years, some moved away (or I moved away) and others, due to life changes the relationship changed. Have I been burned in friendships? Yes? Have I been betrayed and disappointed? Yes. But has it been worth it? Most definitely!

Over the years I’ve learned a few things about friendships. Friendships have many different levels. There are those friends we see occasionally, and then there are heart-friends with whom we share everything. There is a place for both in our lives.

Friendships may change with the seasons of life. We are naturally drawn to women who face the same problems and share the same dreams as we do.

But what I know to be true is that we all need friends….friendship is a part of God’s plan for our lives. In fact, Jesus placed great value on relationships. The bible tells us that He spent a lot of His time deepening relationships with a few, not with the crowds.

In Scripture one of the most beautiful portraits of friendship is found in the book of Ruth. Ruth is the story of Naomi, a godly woman, wife and the mother of two married sons. I encourage you to take the time to read it for yourself. In this book, Ruth, Naomi’s daughter in-law was willing to commit her life and time in friendship. And I have found from my own experience that friendship doesn’t just happen. True friendship takes consistent investments of time.

I love this quote: “We live in a “quick-fix” world that often fails to understand or address the relationship truth that it takes time to build a friendship. It is so easy for women to fill every time slot of every day with activity, leaving little or no room for friends. The waters of daily life are often difficult to navigate. True friends are willing to get in the boat and ride out the storm with us.”

I’ve gone through seasons of loneliness, seasons of “aloneness” and seasons of questioning God, waiting and praying for that close friend. I’ve been there….I know the heartache of feeling lost and lonely…I know the tears that come in those quiet moments when we just need someone to talk too…..even though I am married, and my husband is my “best friend” I still need women friendships….heart sisters, we all do!

Over the years my deepest girlfriend relationships have always been nurtured and rooted in prayer. First, by asking the Lord to bring into my life those special, heart friends. And then watching and waiting….sometimes these friendships come in unexpected wrappings, or maybe that special friend has been there all along but we haven’t taken the time to get to know them, and just maybe they are struggling with the very same thoughts as you….trusting God is a beautiful thing…be watching…be waiting….be expecting!! God delights to answer your prayers….

And second, we must nurture those friendships by praying for each other and praying for our families. I have been blessed with some close friends over the years that have truly come alongside me, lifting me up when I needed it, and keeping it real when I need it too. I pray for them, and I know they’re praying for me also. It’s those prayers make us better wives, daughters, mothers, and friends!

May I pray for you; for those who are fighting the loneliness or aloneness….those who desire and long for that “close heart friend,” the one who gets us, who knows us, and loves us?

“Jesus, thank You for being our ultimate Friend.  Thank you that You have never let us down or turned away from us– even when we have turned away from You. Please help us be the kind of friend You desire us to be so that Your love can flow through us in our relationships. Teach us how to invest time wisely so that each friendship is a living illustration of Your love. You know our hearts better than we know ourselves, You know the longings and desires we have for heart friends…..Friendships are risky, but they are so worth the risk….give us the courage to not only pray and ask for that heart friend, but also to watch for that special friend whom You are going to place in our lives…give us the courage to take that step, to risk rejection, knowing that You’ve got our backs!! Give us eyes to see, ears to hear and hearts to trust while we wait….

Help us to have faith in You and to wait with hopeful expectation that in Your time and in Your choosing our hearts will connect with other sisters of the heart!!

In Jesus’ name,

AMEN!”

Setting our hearts on pilgrimage September 1, 2012

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

As they pass through the Valley of Baca,

they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

Psalm 84:5-7

¹pil·grim·age

noun \ˈpil-grə-mij\

Definition of PILGRIMAGE

1: a journey of a pilgrim; especially: one to a shrine or a sacred place as an act of religious devotion… a journey, esp. a long one,

2: the course of life on earth

For those who have followed my blog and know of my story you may remember that my mother was a war bride from England. She was the mother I never knew because she died when I was only 6 months old. As a child I would often cry myself to sleep, weeping for my mother. I needed a mother to comfort me, to hold me, to tell me I was loved and wanted…..I went to bed each night with a longing and an emptiness…..and a dream….someday I was going to go to England, to see the country of her birth.

 And now in my 50’s my lifelong dream of visiting the UK is finally coming to fruition.

20 some years ago I was at a Women’s conference when the Lord gave me these verses in Psalm 84.

I sensed in my spirit that these verses were a promise for me. God was making a covenant with me, this was my inheritance. God was going to do a work in my life, I needed to trust Him. And throughout the years these verses have come back to me, usually at a pivotal point in my life. I find myself remembering and reflecting on them once more as I prepare for this trip to the UK.

When the Lord first gave me these verses I had no idea that my journey of healing was about to begin. “Journey” implies a starting place, a place one leaves, and a destination…that place to which one goes.

Looking back I have seen the weaving of God’s hand upon my life. His healing is a thread that has been woven into my life, my journey of healing.

It was Debbie Milam who said: “When we embrace the many parts of our experience we discover a magnificent creation. . . Every moment is but a thread, a thread of consciousness embracing the very essence of life. Some threads are brilliant and dazzling while others are tattered and torn. When looked upon in isolation the tattered threads look inferior. Yet when woven together by the wondrous hands of the Creator, the light magically blends with the dark. As joy coalesces with pain, God creates the magnificent tapestry that is life.”

The tapestry of my life continues to be woven. In preparing for this trip I have looked back at the entire tapestry of my life, and I can see that every aspect of my journey was necessary and needed. Each step of my journey led to a new place, even though the steps often felt like obstacles or painful experiences.

 A pilgrimage can be described as a journey, set apart because of its reflective nature. It is a journey of movement, a journey of attentiveness, a journey hoped to transform. A pilgrimage cannot be embarked upon without a willingness to follow the path as it unfolds. This is what I sense in my spirit as I embark on this trip.

Psalm 84 speaks of one’s yearning for God’s dwelling place; could it be that the temple might come to mean for us a search for our heart’s full dwelling in His presence?

This is much more than just a sightseeing tour of the UK.  One can physically move themselves around the world and never set their heart on a journey towards His dwelling, just as one can remain physically at home and yet set their heart on pilgrimage.

Psalm 84 reminds me that I am not on pilgrimage to God’s temple, but I am on pilgrimage with God.This Psalm assures me that if I understand that God himself is my strength and if I set my heart on allowing Him to carry me in my journey, in my pilgrimage, then I am blessed indeed!! It is an adventure of magnitude, of significance, of love.

His love is a glorious thread that is woven throughout the Word of God, and finds it’s fulfillment through Jesus Christ in our hearts. When Jesus takes hold of our lives the entire fabric of our being is changed. I don’t accomplish anything in this life on my own….as the weavings of individual threads from one to another creates something; the result is a whole tapestry…as God weaves the threads into the fabric of our lives, He creates a beautiful tapestry.

Little did I know that the tattered and broken little girl who cried herself to sleep every night would set her heart on pilgrimage when she heard the wooing of Her heavenly Father. Little did I know she would respond to the longing in her heart and learn to rest beneath the shadow of His wings.

 Our lifelong journey is our pilgrimage toward the fulfillment of our inheritance that God Himself has given to us.

Do you, my friends, know what God’s inheritance is for you? Have you gone back to the place of covenant, the very place where God covenanted with you?

I am excited to see what God has for me in this next journey of my life, this next adventure. I know that this trip to the UK is the next part of my pilgrimage and I am trusting my Heavenly Father as He continues to weave the threads of healing and wholeness in my life….stay tuned….I’ll share the adventure when I get back!!

 

Safety in the hiding place of grace…. June 9, 2012

I haven’t written for a while and I admit that I’ve missed being here. In the last couple of months it feels like I’ve been on a journey with God as I faced myself; truly faced some things about myself….my agendas, my weaknesses,  my flaws and my longings.

Working through the book, Grace for the Good Girl: Letting go of the try hard life by Emily P. Freeman, as well as the book, Truefaced: Trusting God and others, with who you really are by Bill Thrall, John Lynch, and Bill McNicol, has certainly not been easy, but it has been healing and freeing as I’ve been throwing off the yoke of pretending, and of learning to forgive myself.
Through these books God once again stripped away something within me….and I believe He is using these authors to strip away something within all of us who long for more……and I also believe that our Father God is blowing upon His children in this hour, with a gentle, yet powerful wind. He is breathing life into us…. and as He blows, the false perceptions concerning our identity, which we have received from the enemy, the church, and even ourselves, will be removed, and we will stand as His mighty servants….His warriors.

As my heavenly Father continues to strip away all that causes me to hide from Him and others, He offers me safety in the hiding place of grace!
And so, in the safety of His grace I have faced my self-protecting ways, my tendency to try and please God rather than trust Him, attempting to live a life of perfection and failing, the fear of making a mistake and looking foolish, and the hiding, not wanting others to see my weaknesses and flaws……but I get so weary of the striving, of beating myself up, of never cutting myself any slack….of paying penance….and I don’t think I am alone in this….God used the authors I mentioned earlier to expose another layer of self-protection and in its place I experienced the wild grace of God….

A friend shared with me a post from the Truefaced blog that was so very timely. With permission from John Lynch I am sharing this very powerful and freeing post.….

Please be sure and visit their blog….you will be blessed and experience much freedom as you journey into the room of grace.( www.truefaced.com/blog)

The Haunting Question

We’ve been spending the last few times together talking about forgiveness. But before we get to the good news-the way home, let me first address this haunting question being asked by many of you:

“What about the forgiveness I can’t give myself? How do I forgive myself?”

Bill and Bruce would do this much better, but they’re probably on some Polynesian island with friends, drinking fun concoctions from the shells of coconuts. So, today I’m all you’ve got.

Ready?

To forgive myself demands I not only trust the shed blood of Jesus to completely purchase my salvation with God in heaven. I must be absolutely convinced it allows Him to never be disgusted with me while I am maturing into who He says I now am. He says I am righteous even though I often don’t yet behave like it. He says I am holy though I surprise even myself with the outlandishness of my selfishness. He says I am absolutely and completely beloved. He is actually unable to love me more and refuses to allow anything I do to cause Him to love me less.

It is stunningly and overwhelming shattering to face that He saw every single betrayal, obsessive repetition of failure, and my repeated hurting of those I most love long before I performed them. And having seen even the degradation I’ve not had a chance to yet act out, He said, “Yes, that one. That’s the one I want to bestow all my love upon. All of it. Uniquely, particularly and with as much unbridled love as I have for my only begotten Son.”

And now, what delights Him most is that I’d just believe it. Not perform penance for Him. Not beat myself up to prove I mean business. Not take the all-forgiving nature of that love as a reason to carry disgust for myself when I fail. Not degrade myself before Him under the self-disdaining groan of “What’s wrong with me? I should be better by now. What a loser!” Those words no longer fit; not for one now literally fused in nature with the God of the universe.

It’s hard to conceive that the very power over the next failure you will not want to not forgive yourself for, is found completely in trusting the power of this scandalous, outlandish, stunning love. Trusting God with my sin, allowing His solution, is the entire basis for releasing the redemptive power of the Cross. Period.

The only thing I might want to be upset at myself for is refusing to take this gift. For me to somehow imagine that I “should be…if I were any kind of Christian”, diminishes the sacred purpose of the cross and thinks far too highly of myself.

It is a choice of humility that says, “I’ve played judge and jury far too long. I’m weary of it. You alone have authority to judge and prosecute. I’ve been dragging around what has never been mine to carry. I’m done fighting this one by myself, foolishly imagining You don’t care enough or have the power to redeem every one of these failures. Either You are God and can fully vindicate, validate, redeem, protect, exonerate, defend, make me blameless, or this whole thing has been a cheap carnival magic show. I’m done with the trite contention that I’m just too failed to be forgiven by You or myself. I’m done demeaning what you did for me. Forgive me for this arrogance most of all my dear God.”

When Paul says in Romans 8 that no one gets to bring a charge, condemn, or separate us from every fiber of His unfathomable love, included in that “no one” is us!!

This all sounds good and well-until you do the one thing you thought you’d never do. The really big one. The one God lovers don’t do. That’s when we may have to go through that dark night of the soul to discover whether we’re convinced the shed blood was that powerful.

No, this does not excuse my sin. Yes, I will need to make things right with those I’ve wronged. Yes, I will need face the reality of what I’ve done, along with the consequences. But there are two things I must not do:

*Refuse His complete, absolute forgiveness and unchanging assessment, love and affection.

*Refuse to accept His complete acceptance, fellowship and delight after what I’ve done.

 

For these, as noble or pious as they might sound, actually deny the efficacy of what Christ did for us.

He has no need of such rehearsal of shame. That day is over. You are free. You are right on time. You are deeply, always precious and front row with Him. And this new life within you will never want to take advantage of it, given the chance to live in it. This magical, all encompassing love, when risked and trusted, forms the basis for real, beautiful, stunned worship.

The Cross was that powerful, your God that incredible.

John-one of the three amigos, part of the ever-growing tribe of grace

Fellow strugglers, thank you for journeying with me….. He is calling us deeper, and invites us to journey with Him and experience His wild grace…..and His gentle voice to us today says this:
“Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me, See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me. (Song of Sol. 2:10-13)