Dr. Jay Grady in his book, You Are A Door Prize, Not A Doormat: How to Break the Cycle of Verbal Abuse, speaks very candidly about the effects and damage of verbal abuse. He speaks from a place of knowing, of having been there…. and because of his experience he offers the reader encouragement and hope.
I highly recommend this very insightful and direct book in which Dr. Grady exposes the silent killer of verbal abuse. Unfortunately, this silent killer can hide in the church as well.
I applaud Dr. Grady for bringing the atrocity of verbal abuse to the foreground, for shedding light on this silent destroyer.
Having grown up in a home of verbal abuse I know why Dr. Grady refers to verbal abuse as the silent killer. Sometimes it is so subtle that we don’t refer to it as verbal abuse as in the case of intimidation- when someone punches a hole in a wall, or throws things, due to uncontrolled anger all the while blaming someone or something else for their explosion, or when someone uses threats to manipulate, or they tease in a way that is degrading and demeaning and is fun only for the “batterer”, teasing that demoralizes the person it is aimed at.
He defines verbal abuse as words that attack or injure, that cause one to believe a lie, what is false, or that speak falsely of a person. Verbal abuse constitutes physiological violence. It is damaging to the spirit.
Dr. Grady states: “ the underlying premise of verbal abuse is that of control: a means of holding power over another. Unlike physical abuse, there are no outer signs of injury, like bruises and black eyes. Broken bones may not exist, but there will be damage.”
He also speaks very candidly about child abuse, the damages and the responsibility as parents to bring up our children in love and kindness.
In his ground-breaking book, Dr. Grady lists the different types of verbal abuse and the signs of psychological and emotional difficulties as a result of verbal abuse, and the consequences of verbal abuse.
He also explains the classic cases and profiles of abusers and batterers.
Another issue he addresses, which I think is very insightful and important, is in regards to soul ties. He defines it as the joining or knitting together of the bonds of a relationship. He offers prayers in which all ungodly soul ties must be renounced and severed in order for the control another person has over us to be broken.
Dr. Grady offers Word therapy, a step by step program that will help you in the healing process, a restoration back to God through the word of God. He offers scriptural techniques for breaking the shackles of verbal abuse and reclaiming control over your life. He presents us with guidelines in order to end the verbal abuse and bring balance to the relationship.
It is time, as Dr Grady suggests, that we, the church, wake up and begin to confront this destroyer of human dignity and begin to call verbal abuse what it is: SIN
I strongly believe that through this book victims of verbal abuse, whether past or present, will find help and healing.
Check out Dr. Grady’s website: http://www.askdrjaynow.org/