Being married to a sex addict, there were a lot of things I did not know.
I did not know the destructive nature of pornography and its far reaching, devastating effects on the lives, families, homes, churches, places it touches.
I did not know that the presence of pornography in my home had invaded my husband’s soul, and was a root cause of our damaged marriage and my utter brokenness.
I did not know that my husband had chosen pornography, masturbation and fantasy over intimacy with me.
I did not know that pornography was a form of betrayal.
I did not know that my husband was able to blatantly lie to me.
I did not know that the rejection of my heart, soul and body was not my fault.
I did not know that my body was fine just the way it was.
I did not know that I was likeable, desirable or loveable.
I did not know that I was deserving and worthy of a husband who loved and cherished me emotionally, spiritually and physically.
I did not know that God’s heart was breaking to see me, His beloved daughter, mistreated and broken.
I did not know that God was waiting to draw me close, hold me in His arms, and wipe the tears from my eyes.
I did not know that God created and designed me intentionally, wonderfully, perfectly.
I did not know that there was beauty within me to rise from the ashes.
I did not know that the blood of Jesus washed away my shame as well as my sin.
I did not know that God had a plan to redeem and restore myself, my husband and our marriage.
I did not know that my story would be filled with God’s wonders and miracles.
I did not know that God’s goodness and healing power in recovery would fill me with gratitude and joy.
I did not know that I would fall as deeply in love with my Abba Father as He has always been with me.
I did not know that my heart would be filled to overflowing with God’s love and a desire to share it with others.
I did not know that I would.
Being married to a sex addict, there were a lot of things I did not know about myself, my husband or God. Now I do. And my heart sings a victorious song of praise and thanksgiving for God’s gift of recovery.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:11-14