Self trust….. Is it a blessing or can it be something that so easily ensnares us?
For people who have been abused our trust issues have been distorted. We often fear trusting our instincts and our boundary lines become hazy or unclear. Whether as a child or as an adult if we put our trust in someone who abused that trust horribly it leaves us feeling that self care is a trap.
Often we don’t trust ourselves very much when it comes to relationships, and perhaps our track record doesn’t look so good. I read once that if we have neglected self-care for years, which is a common result of abuse, we may not trust our body or our ability to meet our own needs.
So what does the healing of healthy self trust look like? I believe it happens little by little, one event at a time, one step at a time. We gain a small piece of self trust when we see ourselves taking risks to obtain a healthier life. A small piece is restored when we can see that a lot of of our decisions are good ones….. Self trust is increased when we trust our gut instincts and our experiences to assess whether another person is trustworthy.
I love spring and I learn a lot from watching nature….. spring is a time of growth, and change happens in varying forms. Applying that to my own life although I may experience some situations with ease there are other times that I may struggle to break through certain circumstances or situations.
How often don’t we feel that there should be instant growth overnight and thereby putting undue pressure on ourselves? God doesn’t expect instant growth but with Him guiding us & leading us, rebuilding self trust causes a blooming, a renewal, when we journey with Him in the transformation process. Like a beautiful spring that begins to come alive our soul rises and begins to grow with hope and beauty. We begin to agree with God’s perceptions of who we are. We discover that we can be humble without degrading ourselves. That we can accept ourselves because God does and we can use the gifts and talents that He has given us.
Renewal, restoration, regeneration…..is a process and thereby allows me to enjoy each accomplishment, as insignificant as it may seem. Giving myself permission to make mistakes and allow myself to learn from them, rather than being critical of what I haven’t yet accomplished or how I have failed once more. And when I am more forgiving of others’ shortfalls, and express more patience with them than with myself perhaps I need to try treating myself like a friend.
We can trust God first, and reap a harvest of huge growth in trusting ourselves. What happens when we don’t entrust our healing to God? We will often digress from self-trust to being ego-centered. Or we can become selfish, or full of self-pity, or become filled with vindictive anger. While Satan delights in the mess he initiated with our abuse, God waits for us to repent and let Him guide us to the green meadow.
The choice is really ours alone. Someone once said that we can choose to add to the damage that has been done to us by trying to be our own untrained physician or we can choose to surrender our self-trust, self-respect, self-love, self-esteem into God’s capable & skillful hands, trusting that He knows exactly where we are unhealthy, where we need help and how to best attend to each situation and problem.
We can trust Him because He knows us better than we know ourselves….we can say we believe in God but the real question is; do we believe Him??