It seems when I am out in nature is when I hear the Holy Spirit the clearest. One morning as I walked the Lord showed me that when the woman in church said those words to me (that I am beautiful and I recoiled) what she was really saying to me (and what God Himself was saying) is that as I continue to walk out my healing, to walk in freedom and victory, people will see the beauty within; it is a reflection of His glory.
It still amazes me that as I’ve experienced His healing this enables me to leave my comfortable church pew and greet people, shaking hands, hugging, smiling and offering words of life to them. I do this with a love that I’ve never experienced before, no longer closing myself off, hiding behind walls as I once did……I think I get it~when I offer myself, this is my beauty.
So when she said “you are so beautiful” I immediately recoiled because the old lies rose up, fear clawed at me once again and I wondered if all they saw was the outside. But God desires to bring me, to bring us, to a place where we can accept both, to offer both. As God heals, and as I continue to come out of hiding as I have been over the last several years, I hope that what people are seeing is a reflection of God himself through me. And though her comment caught me totally off guard, I recognized that God’s desire is to bring me into a deeper place of understanding and that I need to be open and let his Words….even through others…..into my heart, to let compliments penetrate my heart rather than letting them simply bounce right off and never penetrate deeper, to not flinch inwardly when I receive a compliment. Yet I realize that it’s almost more of a denial, an unbelieving when they compliment me…….and if I am totally honest there is that protective place in my heart where I wonder what is it they want from me. What will this cost me? This goes back to my childhood….something good always came with a cost.
My husband always tells me that I don’t see what others see. Maybe that is true. Has the enemy distorted what we see?
I was reading one morning in Lisa Bevere’s book, Fight Like A Girl, and in it was a chapter on Fighting For Beauty. These words especially spoke to me and I hope they do for all of us women on this journey. At a conference the Spirit brought forth this word to Lisa which expresses how our Lord views us;
“When I look at you I see something more…..I see promise. I see a generation of daughters so terrifying to the enemy that he will do whatever he can in his power to distort your image, pervert your beauty, and rob you of your strength and power. He is the father of lies and speaks to you through a glass but darkly. But the Father of Light longs to speak to you face to face. He wants to touch the dark places where the wounding is so deep and so severe it threatens to define your very existence. Ask, and He will allow you to behold Him. He will reach beyond the glass and call you altogether lovely and His own.The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your lord. Psalm 45:11″
She goes on to ask- “How do we honor the Lord when it comes to the issue of beauty? The answer; we accept His words as the ultimate truth.”
He has called our beauty enthralling; do I dare call Him a liar? Will I be brave enough to receive His love? Can I let this vantage embrace me? Maybe I cannot trust the mirror, maybe I am so much more than what I see.
She ends with this prayer which I have prayed and I feel a glimmer of hope, May the Holy Spirit minister to you as He did me:
“Heavenly Father, I come to You in the name of the One who is altogether lovely, Jesus the Christ. You are making me over from the inside out. I want the countenance of a woman who refuses to give way to fear. Forgive me for saying things contrary to Your Word, which is alive. Father, You are the great Physician and the One capable of perfecting every area of my life.
We women can be lovely before You and others no matter our age.
I repent of looking to the graven image and idols of this world when I should have come to You for my strength. I renounce their hold and influence. I cast their impressions from my mind and their illusions from before my eyes. Lord, remove their veil from my eyes; I want to see You and You alone. Let Your image outshine any other in my life. Imprint me deeper than any other. Reveal Yourself to me in an intimate and real way. I give You permission to invade this private and personal area of my life. Amen”
Ah…..the King is enthralled by our beauty……may we believe Him!!