Dismantling the Wall…….

I’m not sure how to begin this post other than to say that the last couple months have been a struggle for me. If you’ve followed along you know that my husband and I took a much needed vacation to Mexico. It was a wonderful time, yet, while we were there twice I came across a sea snake while walking on the beach.

So many emotions ran through me when I saw them. Fear of course being the biggest. Yet, it triggered something else, something deeper. Was it the reaction of not feeling safe, of being abandoned, I’m not exactly sure. What I do know is that I slowly began to withdraw. I did what I often did as a child….I withdrew into myself, withdrawing in silence. This silence shrouding me like a safe blanket, protecting me from further disappointment, pain and fear….or so I thought.

To the world, my husband, friends and family I appeared the same….but something slowly began to change in my relationship with the Lord….I stopped conversing….I stopped listening….slowly I allowed a wall to be built between Him and I.

And even though I faced my fear that week and went back in the water, making the choice to not allow fear to steal my joy, something happened in my heart….and so…..I’m going to spend some time writing and sharing here as I embark on this journey of discovery. I am reading Brennon Manning’s book called Abba’s Child and I sense that God will use it to take me deeper, to uncover and reveal new truths.

 For some time now my words here have felt like a mist, a vapor floating for the briefest of moments then slowly fading away….offering nothing ….even to my own ears…my own heart…and so as I wrestle I am inviting you along on the journey.

 I realize that I am venturing away from my usual blogging but I sense that if for no other reason this is for my own healing…I pray that as you read along something I say may speak to you as well….but most of all I invite you to journey along with me as my friend.

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4 thoughts on “Dismantling the Wall…….

  1. It is amazing how a little incident can reveal something bigger going on inside. I do think it is great that you faced it head on and plowed ahead. I know that may not be the ultimate solution … we want to find out what is working inside, but I think it is an accomplishment, none-the-less.

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    • Thank you Warren for reading along, and how true that a seemingly small incident can reveal something deeper going on…and yes, I agree~going back into the water was huge for me as I faced my fears head on because I tend to be a “runner”…my pattern is to run, not face the fear or the pain….so I thank you for your words of encouragement….and I would be honored if you would share any wisdom or insight with me as I face this trigger.

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  2. Lynn, you are a blessing dear friend…it was an honor to speak with you on the phone today, to hear your voice….God used you to speak words of light and life, your prayers were like a balm for my soul~ Thank you

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