I’m not sure how to begin this post other than to say that the last couple months have been a struggle for me. If you’ve followed along you know that my husband and I took a much needed vacation to Mexico. It was a wonderful time, yet, while we were there twice I came across a sea snake while walking on the beach.
So many emotions ran through me when I saw them. Fear of course being the biggest. Yet, it triggered something else, something deeper. Was it the reaction of not feeling safe, of being abandoned, I’m not exactly sure. What I do know is that I slowly began to withdraw. I did what I often did as a child….I withdrew into myself, withdrawing in silence. This silence shrouding me like a safe blanket, protecting me from further disappointment, pain and fear….or so I thought.
To the world, my husband, friends and family I appeared the same….but something slowly began to change in my relationship with the Lord….I stopped conversing….I stopped listening….slowly I allowed a wall to be built between Him and I.
And even though I faced my fear that week and went back in the water, making the choice to not allow fear to steal my joy, something happened in my heart….and so…..I’m going to spend some time writing and sharing here as I embark on this journey of discovery. I am reading Brennon Manning’s book called Abba’s Child and I sense that God will use it to take me deeper, to uncover and reveal new truths.
For some time now my words here have felt like a mist, a vapor floating for the briefest of moments then slowly fading away….offering nothing ….even to my own ears…my own heart…and so as I wrestle I am inviting you along on the journey.
I realize that I am venturing away from my usual blogging but I sense that if for no other reason this is for my own healing…I pray that as you read along something I say may speak to you as well….but most of all I invite you to journey along with me as my friend.