Why is it so hard? Continuing on with self-forgiveness.


 As we continue to explore self-forgiveness I think we need to ask ourselves why it’s so hard to grant ourselves the same grace we give everyone else. Even on a daily basis we grant forgiveness and grace; to our spouses, our co-workers, or if we are parents to our children.


Author Stephen Arterburn says, “I’ve always believed that half the battle in changing something is in finding out why the thing is there in the first place.”

Isn’t that so true?

Perhaps someone in our past – a parent, a misguided minister, or a relative influenced us to believe it was dangerous to let any misdeed slip out of memory, and made very sure it didn’t.


Perhaps over time the guilt has become as constant and dependable a companion. We get comfortable with it, we think…but in truth it slowly eats away at us.


Or perhaps we get confused about what forgiveness really means and buy into the myth that forgiving is the same as forgetting. Too often we believe it means we’re letting ourselves off some hook we’re supposed to be hanging on.


Each of us may have your own reasons. I’d love to hear them. But I have learned that whatever reasons we may come up with for why we can’t forgive ourselves – they’re all wrong.



3 thoughts on “Why is it so hard? Continuing on with self-forgiveness.

  1. “We manufacture our own misery.” This is from the Big Book of AA. When I read that … a light bulb went off … and it made sense.

    When I drive around listening to sad music, thinking of every horrible thing I’ve ever done. It allows me to make myself miserable … allows me to feel sorry for myself … and more than anything … allows me to stay distant from others … distant from God.

    I don’t live this way as much now, but for so long I wanted that distance. I wanted to feel as low as I could … I felt safer down there. Self-pity is so destructive and yet it becomes a comfort. I’m not expected to be pleasant or friendly if I’m depressed and sad.

    So … my point … if I let go of my sins and forgive myself then I lose some of my best tools for manufacturing that misery when I need it.

    The solution for me has been slow in coming, but it’s coming. The more I learn about God, and His grace, His power over my heart when it condemns me … the more I find that manufacturing joy is a lot more rewarding.

    Thank you for always sharing your heart … I appreciate it.


  2. Hmmm, so true…good words…it brought to mind the Scripture in Lamentations 3:22-23;
    “His compassions fail not. They are new every morning.”

    It is His compassion that understands our plight and our pain, and His love is there for us with each new day…. so, when we can get to the place where we accept ourselves with all our flaws it brings us to a place of forgiveness that allows us to move on…and brings us back to closer relationship with our Heavenly Father!!


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