Growing Pains

The devotionals I’ve been writing (co-writing actually) under the ‘Names of God’ category are part of a prayer path we did recently at an event for our church. It turned out to be a very powerful experience for those of us who went through it. If you’re interested in using it, email me at tearsinabottle.tamarshope@yahoo.com and I’ll send you a copy and a brief description of how it works.

In the days around the event I’ve been … not sure how to put it … suffering I guess. I had a lot of anxiety. The funny thing was that I was not anxious because I thought it would be bad, but anxious because I thought it would be good. I knew it would be good. And that scared me. Through the process I was surprised to realize that I’m afraid to shine. I’m afraid that if I find ‘my thing’ and do it well that it will hurt the people I love, and that they’ll leave me.

Sounds crazy, I know. But it helped to understand where the shame and fear was coming from. Thanks for listening.

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2 thoughts on “Growing Pains

  1. Isn’t it interesting when you learn that you are afraid of “good” things? I participated in a program where we were asked to write out all of our fears. It wasn’t until then that I realized I was afraid of everything really. Success … failure. Being in a relationship … being alone. On and on the list went like that.

    I was afraid for different reasons than you though. The root of it all for me was attention and expectation. If I did well I would get too much attention and people would expect the same from me all of the time. If I didn’t do something well then I would be looked at as a failure which would embarrass me. I struggled to stay in the middle.

    I also learned that I was afraid to feel good about anything. I thought if I felt good then I would be setting myself up for the crash. If I just stayed “low” then I couldn’t crash as hard.

    God can do amazing things with a heart placed in His hands. My fears are so much smaller and less powerful when they are given to Him.

    I appreciate your thoughts … thanks.

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  2. I am always grateful for your profound insights. It seems we are on a similar journey to wholeness and health.

    I want to place my heart in His hands. I want wholeness and health. I want to be able to give my whole heart to God so I can know Him fully.

    Like

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