Other lies that victims tend to believe and internalize are;
– you are so stupid, so dumb. (Implication: that’s what I’ll tell you so you’ll believe I have the right to “teach” you-a very common excuse for many forms of child abuse)
-wearing shorts is a sin against God (Implication: you were seductive; you sinned against God by wearing certain types of clothing)
-wearing nail polish makes you look like a slut (Implication: only good girls don’t wear nail polish, therefore you are a bad girl and deserving of the abuse)
-flashy or bright colored clothing are unbecoming for a child of God (Implication: you are responsible for your abuse because of the way you dress. God punished you by having you sexually abused)
-we must think of ourselves as the lowest of the low before God will really accept us. (Implication; God wants us to both think and act like victims. We’re worthless) By the way- this is so not true, because of Christ’s willingness to die on the cross God demonstrates the greatest possible love for us,God values us dearly.
-My harshness means I love you (Implication: the more I hurt you, the more I show how much I love you)
-you’re sloppy and messy (Implication: therefore it’s okay for me to abuse you)
-you’re just like your mother (Implication: Mother was a victim so you should be one too)
-your father loves you (Implication:sexual abuse is a form of love)
-our family was normal because we had dinner together every night (Implication: dinner at 6:00 negates the horrible abuse done at 11pm)
-I have to teach you something about sex (Implication:perpetrators are doing the right thing by sexually abusing victims. Further Implication: victims are incapable of learning about sexuality when they reach adulthood)
-wow, what a figure (implication: because you have a good figure I [the abuser] have the right to use it )
-why couldn’t you have been like your sisters? (Implication: you’re not as good as they are: in fact you’re not worthy of healthy relationships)
All these have been spoken to victims in recovery groups. I read these years ago in a book written by John Splinter and sadly some were all to familiar….if you are a victim compare these distortions and deceptions with your own. Sometimes we need help from close friends or a qualified counselor to help us sort out truth from distortions.
God’s Word contains good news. He can help us to reframe the picture we have of ourselves. It’s not done by becoming perfect and therefore we think we are pleasing God, it’s done simply by honest prayers. Saying to God, “I don’t want to live like this anymore, please take away the burden and the pain in my life. I want to give it all to You. Please begin by lifting this load and fill me with Your Spirit. Make me whole again. Take all the fragmented pieces of my heart and heal my broken heart. Make me whole again, pure again, lovely again. Come into my life as only You can and help me. Pour out Your healing upon my wounds and cuts. Help me to see myself through Your eyes, restore me and give me a new picture of who I truly am.”
In Christ’s death- pain, sin, evil and brokenness were nailed to the cross and forgiven forever. And then after the cross came the Resurrection….because of Jesus He offers us new life, even after death; wholeness after defilement; healing after suffering; joy after sorrow. No matter how long it may take or how frightening it may seem or how distressing the process commit yourself to His healing touch. Because Jesus Christ is the wonderful healer.