Something happened to me today that changed everything. Something I sort of knew shook loose from my head and slipped down through and got lodged deep inside my heart.
That something was this. Every single dream, every wish, each random longing, each fleeting fantasy, every daydream, each sadness, every hope, and the sum total of all the angst I feel, have felt, or will ever feel is no more than a simple expression of a singular truth. My heart was meant to love God.
Desire justly recognized, understood, and set free turns like a heat-seeking missile toward God. And in the turning it is transformed until sorrow and joy are stirred and churned and dissolved into a solution of hope and satisfaction and the heart pulls closer.
Trust me on this. Set your pain free. We know deep down that things are not what things were meant to be. We grasp for love because God longs to draw us to Him. We seek solace in food or drink or sex because God means to comfort us with divine compassion. We hunger to be seen, sought after, or respected because God stamped His image on our souls and waits patiently to unveil His glory in us.
I saw God today. I walked with Him. And for a moment it all made sense.
Tears in a Bottle 
I really enjoy your blog. You have a great ministry.
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Thank you Trey. We’re honored that you read and commented here today.
God bless you in your work.
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wow…this really spoke to my heart–and brought tears to my eyes…It’s like you read my heart and wrote the things I’m too afraid to let anyone know…my soul so longs for the things you describe–to be sought after, to be cherished, to be filled…I’ve struggled for so long feeling empty, starving and suffocating, because I desire these things from people. I anguish and feel deep sadness that I may never have them fully in this life (from the people that matter to me), and feel guilt about sometimes longing for things to be different. But God has been teaching me that He is the only One who can fill this place in my soul. I remind myself over and over, but it helps to have it confirmed. Thanks.
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Thank you for reading and validating these thoughts. Your comment was a great encouragement to me. May God richly bless and comfort you.
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I know we are about something here that I need. I lost you, though, on setting my pain free. How do I connect it with loving God, how do I make it into intimacy toward Him. I seem to be ploughing in sorrow and into it with all my emotions – amidst my concern about needing to take charge, stand up in my life where I am the only one to defend the Kingdom in my life and in the life of my loved ones. I should be alert all the time, yet my hopes for fellowship and hearing from Him seems to melt into this sea of sorrow, sometimes just numb emptyness. All the while there’s a roaring enemy I must stop. I’m having hard time understanding how can I retire into seeking fellowship with Him while there’s a battle to be fought constantly. Can you share any thoughts on this?
I love you for the heart I see in what you write. I want to learn from you. I want to become whole. I think part of my sorrow is for the inability to be one. I am burdened down by double life that has been my nature as long as I remember for various reasons and ways in various phases of life. I fight it, but fear intimidates me to being one person to those I assume will not be able to see and appreciate my real me (family, husband’s family) and limits my real self into solitude and few moments with the very very rare who understand. Mainly online. I feel isolated apart from you online who do understand. I don’t necessarily get in contact, for I feel I will seem too needy and freak people out. Yet, the consolation of the existence and thoughts of those my heart relates to is what keeps my hope alive. My husband is someobe who can and will understand, but it’s only a matter of weeks that I’ve become more brave in sharing what I really think. I fear I will enstrange him and put him on his guard if he sees how strongly my need is to live out of the heart and not out of the head. We are into our vacation towards the end of the week and I know it’s not going to be what I would want – it’s going to be entertaining his friends, who actually ae family, who live totally out of the head and are not believers, of course. My husband is, but nobody knows that. My greatest dream answered as far as the relationships go, would be getting this couple, his sister and her husband, to be brought to the Kingdom and for them to become our closest allies.It sounds far-fetched, but how can I dismiss thos ewho are there already before I give them a chance. I’d like to come out of the closet, so to speak, and share at least with her, my inner reality. (We are married yet not a year, we’re both 37.)
I’ll probably be out of internet connection for a while, that’ the point of summer cottage by the lake in Finland – to get away from television, net and newspapers. I don’t know, maybe I snuggle in a laptop – I don’t know about the net coverage there, though.
Oh, it’s a lot… thank you if you made it this far. Your words that we must ALWAYS keep Christ before us, continuously turning our eyes to Him and seeing everything else through His ghostly image – these words will be my walking stick today. Thank you, Precious Sister, for this.
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Kirsti I just wanted to thank you first of all for reading here and for sharing so much about yourself. I’m so touched by your response. I don’t think I have simple answers to the questions you ask. All I can do is encourage you. The journey you are on is a good one. The desires you express for wholeness and authentic intimacy with your friends, your husband, and with God, these are wonderful gifts. God is so proud of you – your heart and your desires. He is your partner in this journey and He will show you the way step by step and day by day. Do not become discouraged or impatient with yourself. Growth happens when you are not watching. God bless you my friend!
Love,
Lisa
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