In the past Father’s Day was a time of mixed emotions for me. I would weep as I’d hear of the love and gratitude expressed for dads, partly because it would bless me, but mostly from a sense of loss and what I never had. I never knew my dad. I lost my mother when I was only six months old and because my dad was an alcoholic I was taken out of the home and raised by an aunt and uncle. So my dad only knew me for the first six months of my life.
I saw my father on occasion while growing up, and yet when I got married and lived only seven miles from him he was more like a stranger to me than a father. The times I would see him he would get tears in his eyes and sometimes openly weep. The tears made me uncomfortable and uneasy as I didn’t know how to deal with his emotions.
It was soon after my first daughter was born that the Lord Jesus became my Savior and He placed within me the desire to get to know my father, sadly he passed away soon after. Years later the Lord began to heal the wounds of my childhood and one of them was the abandonment of my father.
I remember so well, years ago, the day I finally had the courage to visit the cemetery where my parents were buried. And as I placed the flowers upon his grave I knew that the Lord indeed had done a work of healing in my life. As I let the tears flow freely my heavenly Father gently gave me back to my mother and father, and deeply touched the scars of a daughter abandoned so long ago.
When I got home what I will share next with you are the words I wrote in my journal. And today when Father’s Day arrives my tears are no longer from a sense of loss but from a heart of Love.
As Father’s Day approaches
I think of you my dad,
the man I never knew
the father I never had.
I saw you mostly from a distance,
a few times we would meet
and your eyes would well up with tears,
other times you would openly weep.
I’ve often wondered about those tears
and who you shed them for,
were they for your broken heart
or the child you held no more?
Were they for your little girl
who left your arms so young,
were they for the emptiness
you carried for so long?
Did you ever hold your little one
in arms secure and strong?
Did you smile into her eyes
and speak her name in love?
Did you rock her to sleep at night,
did you sing a lullaby?
Did you sooth and comfort her
and hold her when she cried?
Did you ever imagine,
could you have ever known, as you held your baby girl
that one day she’d be taken from your arms
or forever from your heart?
No, I never knew my daddy’s love
I never knew his heart,
I only saw him from a distance
a stranger set apart.
And then the day did come
when by his side I stood,
but daddy it was much to late
and now my chance was gone.
Your eyes were forever closed
your soul forever gone,
and I wondered if one day I’d have the chance
to meet with you in heaven, my home.
Even though I’ve known much sorrow
and many tears I’ve shed,
My precious Jesus said to me,
“My child I’ve a plan.”
He placed within my life
a very special man,
someone with a gentle heart
he’s my husband, he’s my friend.
I’ve watched him with our daughters
I’ve seen his love abound,
I’ve seen his eyes speak volumes
yet never whisper a sound.
I’ve watched him hug and hold each one
I’ve seen him dry their tears,
I’ve heard him speak their names
as he goes to God in prayer.
I’ve seen his firmness
and I’ve seen his tender side
I’ve watched them roll in laughter
and I’ve heard his words of pride.
Through this man I’ve witnessed
a Father’s special love,
as he gives of himself
and shares with them his love.
Even though I never knew my dad
God knew that in His time,
in my husband I would see
just how deep & vast a father’s love can be.
And to our daughter’s
my husband is the kind of dad
that I had always dreamed of,
but now my daughter’s have.
What a joy it’s been for me
what a gift from above,
that God saw fit to bless my daughter’s
with an earthly father’s love.
And on this Father’s Day
I realize all that I’ve been given,
For you see I have the greatest Father,
My Father God in heaven.
It was He who said to me,
“My child, you are my own,
let me be your Father
let me give to you my home.”
“Let me take the emptiness
let me fill it with my love,
let me dry your tears,
come, my child, come.”
My heavenly Father said to me,
“My child your tears are not a waste,
for I’ve gathered up each one,
and filled each lonely space.”
“It is I who open my arms to hold you,
and within the serene stillness of my embrace,
is where you will find love and security,
and will truly know my grace.”
“My child, even before the foundation of the earth,
I had set my love upon you.
Before time I ordained that I would adopt you,
you see my daughter, I knew!”
“I have sealed you with my Holy Spirit,
I am the Author of your wholeness,
it is I who have chosen you
and I am the finisher of your faith.”
“All that you are
or ever will be,
has had its beginning
and its end in me.”
those flowers that I placed upon your grave,
they are from your little girl,
given from a heart thats healed,
by Jesus Christ her Lord!