Drawing me closer

I shouldn’t have the life I have.  I should be dead or strung out on drugs or living on the street.  I can’t explain why I escaped all that.  No one can except to say that God loves me.  He has shown His love to me again and again and again.  I had no choice but to stop doubting His love a long time ago.

Yet I hold back.  I feel like an autistic person when it comes to God.  Love me God, but don’t look me in the eye.  It’s too intense, just too…  much.  I want authentic intimacy with God – I long for it.  I just keep getting awkwardly in the way.  But little by little He draws me closer.  No.  That’s not right.  He invites me closer.  He asks me.  And He waits.

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One thought on “Drawing me closer

  1. For years I was sure those things would happen to me: dependency and losing everything, living under the bridge. I knew I was not strong enough. I had proved talented and capable when disciplined, but I could not remain so. Now I see I am not afraid of those any more. He has brought me to some safety. If it were up to me, that’s where I would be. My life is a miracle. He has taken care of me like of an infant.

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