I shouldn’t have the life I have. I should be dead or strung out on drugs or living on the street. I can’t explain why I escaped all that. No one can except to say that God loves me. He has shown His love to me again and again and again. I had no choice but to stop doubting His love a long time ago.
Yet I hold back. I feel like an autistic person when it comes to God. Love me God, but don’t look me in the eye. It’s too intense, just too… much. I want authentic intimacy with God – I long for it. I just keep getting awkwardly in the way. But little by little He draws me closer. No. That’s not right. He invites me closer. He asks me. And He waits.