You Are A Door Prize, Not A Doormat April 5, 2011

Dr. Jay Grady in his book, You Are A Door Prize, Not A Doormat: How to Break the Cycle of Verbal Abuse, speaks very candidly about the effects and damage of verbal abuse. He speaks from a place of knowing, of having been there…. and because of his experience he offers the reader encouragement and hope.

I highly recommend this very insightful and direct book in which Dr. Grady exposes the silent killer of verbal abuse. Unfortunately, this silent killer can hide in the church as well.

I applaud Dr. Grady for bringing the atrocity of verbal abuse to the foreground, for shedding light on this silent destroyer.

Having grown up in a home of verbal abuse I know why Dr. Grady refers to verbal abuse as the silent killer. Sometimes it is so subtle that we don’t refer to it as verbal abuse as in the case of intimidation- when someone punches a hole in a wall, or throws things, due to uncontrolled anger all the while blaming someone or something else for their explosion, or when someone uses threats to manipulate, or they tease in a way that is degrading and demeaning and is fun only for the “batterer”, teasing that demoralizes the person it is aimed at.

He defines verbal abuse as words that attack or injure, that cause one to believe a lie, what is false, or that speak falsely of a person. Verbal abuse constitutes physiological violence. It is damaging to the spirit.

Dr. Grady states: “ the underlying premise of  verbal abuse is that of control: a means of holding power over another. Unlike physical abuse, there are no outer signs of injury, like bruises and black eyes. Broken bones may not exist, but there will be damage.”

He also speaks very candidly about child abuse, the damages and the responsibility as parents to bring up our children in love and kindness.

In his ground-breaking book, Dr. Grady lists the different types of verbal abuse and the signs of psychological and emotional difficulties as a result of verbal abuse, and the consequences of verbal abuse.

He also explains the classic cases and profiles of abusers and batterers.

 Another issue he addresses, which I think is very insightful and important, is in regards to soul ties. He defines it as the joining or knitting together of the bonds of a relationship. He offers prayers in which all ungodly soul ties must be renounced and severed in order for the control another person has over us to be broken.

Dr. Grady offers Word therapy, a step by step program that will help you in the healing process, a restoration back to God through the word of God. He offers scriptural techniques for breaking the shackles of verbal abuse and reclaiming control over your life. He presents us with guidelines in order to end the verbal abuse and bring balance to the relationship. 

It is time, as Dr Grady suggests, that we, the church, wake up and begin to confront this destroyer of human dignity and begin to call verbal abuse what it is: SIN

 I strongly believe that through this book victims of verbal abuse, whether past or present, will find help and healing.

Check out Dr. Grady’s website: http://www.askdrjaynow.org/

Living Your Wounds Through….. August 26, 2010

“You have been wounded in many ways. The more you open yourself to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are….The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them, better to let them enter into your silence than to talk about them. The choice you face constantly is whether you are taking your wounds to your head or to your heart. In your head you can analyze them, find their causes and consequences, and coin your words to speak and write about them. But no final healing is likely to come from that source. You need to let your wounds go down to your heart. Then you can live through them and discover that they will not destroy you. Your heart is greater than your wounds.”

Henry Nouwen

 I’ve always liked Henry Nouwens writings and this one really speaks to me. I find this to be a daunting quote, yet one that holds so much truth. There is no way I could unpack it all but some things did jump out at me.

 Living our wounds through~this is something most of us would rather choose not to do….it is much easier (or so we believe) to constantly think them through …even be tempted to analyze them to death..

 Maybe you are like me and always want to find the root of what’s causing our pain. Asking ourselves questions such as: why do I act or think particular ways? Is there something that I haven’t dealt with, worked through or maybe there is a repressed memory?  Is it my relationship with my parents? On and on the thought process goes.

 While it is good to look at these areas, all too often all we do is think about them….

Maybe it’s all about trust…..trusting God. Although in our heads we know we can trust God, our hearts don’t always agree……Do we agree with Henri Nouwens words; your heart is greater than your wound?

 To live our wounds through~This is difficult, especially for those of us who avoid pain at all costs…. when pain doesn’t go away fast enough we criticize ourselves for not getting over it, for not being strong enough, or even for being vulnerable or for feeling helpless in the first place.
 Sometimes our wounds don’t heal because the mind gets too involved and continually says things like “I should do this and I’ll feel better,” or “Maybe if I did this it would repair the hurt,” or “I am hurting because of what another person did, and once they fix it, I will feel better.”

If all we do is continually think about them it actually hinders the healing process.
I believe we are all in need of healing.  We all have wounds: wounds from our past, wounds from relationships, and self-inflicted wounds caused by bad choices.

But healing is a process….. And it can be scary too.  And all too often we are afraid to speak about our pain or even acknowledge our need of healing. It sounds so simple doesn’t it….to not focus on trying to identify the cause of our pain; but to simply show Jesus our wounds and speak to Him about the pain. 

We do not need to be afraid. The very fact that we are aware of our wounds show us that we have ample strength to face them….God will give us the strength and the courage we need to face them, to live through them.

In Scripture we find that Jesus showed His wounds to the Apostles, and He invites us to show Him our wounds.  When we speak to Jesus about our pain and our wounds it is the first step to permitting Him to heal us.

As you pray, see Jesus inviting you to place your pain in His wounds.  As you pray in the Spirit reach out and touch His hands; touch His side; touch His Heart. 

And then dear friends spend as much time as you need, in His presence, RECEIVING His love. 

By His wounds we are healed…. He was wounded so that we could find healing…..His wounds are wounds of love for our healing; our wounds are receptacles to receive His healing love… the invitation to touch Jesus’ wounds, results in our healing.

Some Lies That Will Kill Your Prayer Life March 31, 2009

Lie #1:  Prayer is Hard.  God is so busy and so holy and so far away that I have to work really hard and try really hard to get His attention.

The Truth:  God is near me (Acts 17:27) and He is attentive to my prayers (I Peter 3:12).  I really believe that from God’s point of view prayer is supposed to be easy, natural, and pleasurable for both of us.

Lie #2:  God’s will is always done.  I should just pray for strength to accept it.

The Truth:  Not everything that happens is the will of God!  God is not evil and cannot be tempted by evil (James 1:13) and yet evil is everywhere we turn.  One of my favorite bits of advice is ‘Think Noble Things of God’.  I believe God is Just, Good, Holy, Loving and Generous, and I don’t chalk up the evil I see around me to God’s will.

Lie #3:  God doesn’t work the way He used to.

The Truth:  God works powerfully today, and He intends for us to work powerfully with Him through prayer in bringing about His will on the earth.

 

What do you think?  What are some lies you have believed about prayer?

My Daily Prayer July 25, 2008

God,

You are my Dad.

You are my Real Dad.

You have always been my real Dad.

Thank you for being my Dad.

Thank you for being such a Great Dad.

God,

I want to Live today.

I want to Feel.

I want to Be.

God,

Thank you for the victories you will send me today.

Help me to recognize the stumbling blocks,

Both large and small,

For the fiery barbs they really are.

May I take the battle seriously,

But not take it personally.

Bring me home soon.

Love 

Lisa

Walking with God January 20, 2008

When I was a little girl one of my favorite Bible stories was the one about Enoch.  There’s not much really written about him, no more than a line or two.  But those scant phrases lit a fire in my imagination that never went out.  Enoch walked with God and he was no more because God took him.  Imagine.  To have a relationship with your Creator such that the Inventor of the universe would bend the rules of life and death to be with you.  To set off one day and just never come back.  I’ve wondered often about it.  What was so Special about Enoch? — how did he get so good at praying? – what was his spiritual secret?  

I’m starting to realize that I’ve had the story all wrong.  It’s not a story about a special man, but a story about a special God.  A God who loves to be with us.  A God who makes Himself accessible — makes it easy even, to find Him and to share our lives with Him.

I’ve been learning to walk with God.  To listen for His voice.  Here’s how it looks for me.  I quiet my thoughts.  The usual clutter that skips around in my brain:  what bills need to be paid? how am I going to get that project done at work?  I think we’re almost out of milk — I let that settle down without feeding it.  And then I’m still.  I ask God to come and I wait for Him.

When my mind wanders off again as it inevitably does I pull it back and I try again.  I’m often distracted during this time with self-destructive thoughts and negative habits.  Refusing those cravings brings to light the pain that was hiding underneath them.  I let myself feel it.

God often comes for me in a feeling deep in my stomach.  A warmth and a feeling of peace radiates through me.  I talk.  I listen.  I draw closer.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this.  How do you walk with God?

Prayer blocks January 14, 2008

Why is it so hard to pray?

The typical excuses apply.  He already knows.  Why bother Him?  He’s too busy.  I’m too busy.  But for wounded hearts there’s something more.  Our struggle with intimacy also (or maybe especially) applies to our relationships with God.  When someone we trust violates our trust we initiate measures to protect ourselves.  Accusations take root deep within us.  Accusations against other people, against ourselves, against God.  Peace dissolves.  We prepare for the worst.  Our prayers, if we pray at all are cynical lists of demands and complaints.  Fodder for a large, impersonal ‘suggestion box’ in the sky.

Yet kept alive within our hearts a courageous voice cries out for something more.  To share ourselves without fear.  To know.  To be known.  To emerge from the complicated system of devices we’ve invented for the purposes of relating and interacting.  To be ourselves and not to be alone.