Tears in a Bottle

A safe haven for wounded hearts.

A Beautiful Funeral January 24, 2009

Filed under: Random Musings — tearsinabottle @ 2:52 am
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Sometimes I think about my funeral.  Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to attend many funerals, some of people I knew well and some of people I barely knew at all.  Years ago I attended the saddest funeral ever.  My husband was there; he gave the eulogy.  I came and brought our young daughter.  An orderly from the hospital came and brought his wife and daughter with him.  That was it – six people – all strangers really.  I had met the deceased only one time.  We went to visit him when he called from the hospital.  I still wonder how he got our phone number.  We talked for about an hour; his story full of bitterness and regret.  It really makes you think about how you treat people.  This man lived a full life but left no one behind to honor and mourn him.  So sad.

This week I attended a beautiful funeral.  A healthy forty year old woman died unexpectedly.  I’ve never seen our little church building so crowded.  Every chair was filled and visitors stood along the walls and overflowed into the lobby.  While there were plenty of tears and grief at a life cut too short, we really came together to say goodbye and celebrate a wonderful woman’s life.  We shared stories, laughed, and remembered the many ways she had touched us before moving on.  I want to earn a funeral like that one.

 I sang two songs in front of all those people.  Three of us sang together, two old hymns.  For the first time in my life I didn’t feel nervous.  I didn’t think about how I looked or how I sounded.  I thought about my friend who had died and all the people there who had come to say goodbye.  And I thought about the words to the songs.  One of them went like this.

Tempted and tried we’re oft made to wonder,

Why it should be thus all the day long.

While there are others living about us,

Never molested though in the wrong.

Farther along we’ll know all about it.

Farther along we’ll understand why.

Cheer up my brother live in the sunshine.

We’ll understand it all by and by.

 

 

Don’t Waste Your Pain June 4, 2008

Filed under: My Friend — tearsinabottle @ 9:57 am
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The most helpful thing I’ve read lately is a four word quote from John Eldredge in Walking With God.  He said “don’t waste your pain”.

We all have our share of pain eventually.  It comes out of nowhere to slap us in the face when we least expect it.  It looks from the outside like some people get a free pass from pain, but looks are deceiving.  You need to know that this burden we all bear is so, so, so, so, so NOT God’s desire.  He has always wanted better for us.

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating, the most expensive thing in the universe is Love.  Love costs us and costs God dearly.  God pays an immeasurable price every day to buy us the right to Love.  Every day we have the right to choose and that choice opens the door to unspeakable consequences.  Our right to choose, our freedom to Love means that a father has the choice to rape his young daughter.  It means a drunk has the choice to sit behind the wheel.  It means a terrorist has the choice to detonate a bomb.

Pain wasn’t meant to be wasted.  It was meant to be redeemed with the very purchase it was spent on.  Because Love, too is a choice.  Spend Love generously, lavishly, wastefully on yourself, on your fellow humans, and on God.  Don’t waste your pain.

 

Love For What It’s Worth February 9, 2008

Filed under: My Friend — tearsinabottle @ 8:20 pm
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Have you ever seen the ‘Antiques Roadshow’?  People wait in line for hours with their old musty trinkets to ask an expert in a big auditorium how much their stuff is worth.  Then an old guy with glasses comes on and says something like, ‘at auction this item could bring anywhere from 3,000 to 5,000 dollars.’  It often leaves me wondering how close the guy’s estimate really was.  It’s not like we can go back and complain like we can with the weather report.  Hearing his guess is not very satisfying.  I’ve gotta know, how much is old Aunt Sally’s broach really worth?  The answer is (as I’ve heard many times) it’s worth as much as someone is willing to pay for it.

How much is love worth?  Love must be given freely or it is not love.  Love under compulsion is repackaged fear.  In order for true love to exist, we must be free.  And our freedom comes at a terrible cost.  Because if we are free to love we are also free to hate and from that hate flows every evil act that has been committed from the beginning of time.  In allowing evil to coexist with his beloved children God pays a terrible price for love.  That staggering price testifies to the truth that love is the most important, valuable, worthy, and precious commodity that exists in the universe.

We all pay for love everyday.  Every scar, every bruise, every dashed hope you’ve ever had is a payment you’ve made to allow love to exist in the world.  The price has been paid and the gift has been purchased and that gift has been placed in your hands to do with as you will.  What will you do with the gift of love?  Will you love for what it’s worth?

 

The Love Shield January 22, 2008

Filed under: A Farewell to Shame — tearsinabottle @ 3:58 am
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My mom has a love shield.  It’s the most intricate contraption you could ever imagine.  I think about her spending her life sitting in a corner, surrounded by her narcissism and her happy self-messages, adding convoluted contrivances to her love shield.  With its whirring gears and rotating levers, her love shield is designed to deflect all forms of true Love.  It is amazingly effective.  Her love shield has finely tuned filters that keep out all but a few messages.  The only messages allowed in say ‘you are right, as usual’, ‘you always know what’s best’, and ‘people know how good you are’.  These messages sound nice, but they’re not true Love.  These messages aren’t what she needs, but what she needs she cannot hear.  When faced with true Love, I’ve seen Mom lie, storm out, hang up, and run away.  I’ve watched her literally put her fingers in her ears and yell, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!  I’M NOT LISTENING!!”

            I know this because I Love my mother.  In my imagination I walk over to my mom and pick her up like a small child.  I hold her in my arms and smooth her hair.  I promise her that everything is going to be alright, that I will take care of her.  In my waking dream, I see her for who she is and she sees, really sees me.  I hold out my heart full of true Love to her and she takes it.  My Love makes her strong and God puts his arms around us, one arm around her shoulder and one arm around mine.  He looks down at us, draws us close and smiles.

            Now that I know about love shields, I see them everywhere.  Babies are born without love shields, but few adults lack them.  The woman who talks too long and too fast has a love shield.  She keeps her listeners so lost along the path of her words that they are too confused to understand her message and make a true connection.  The man who works too much and comes home grumpy has a love shield.  More than anything, he fears that if he gives his family the chance to really know him, to really be with him, they might Love him.  I see teenagers carrying love shields.  Some even literally cover their hair, their clothes and their bodies with spikes.  Like barbed wire atop a security fence, the spikes say, “Keep Out!  Fear me.  Hate me.  Even laugh at me.  But whatever you do, don’t Love me!”

            I have my own love shield.  I drag it along after me like Linus’ security blanket.  Although it’s smaller and less effective than my mother’s, it’s there for me when I need it.  I use my love shield when I hear a true compliment and my head turns it into a lie.  I use it when I hear true, loving correction and my heart closes up too fast to let it in.  I use it when I read, or even memorize passages of Scripture that my spirit is not yet ready to understand.  You see, God is the most effective Love thrower of all.  He bombards me daily with true, straight, unbroken arrows of Love.  Sometimes my arm grows tired of holding up my shield.  I slip, and one of God’s arrows gets in.  I read something I’ve read a hundred times and suddenly get it.  Someone says something I’ve heard before and it miraculously makes sense.  I sing the same old song and the words unexpectedly jump off the page at me with a whole new meaning.  That’s God’s Love getting through.

            Because I am a practical person, I realize that I’ll probably have my love shield until I die.  But I am actively working to destroy it.  My hope is that by the time I leave this life my love shield will be so chipped, so abused, so cracked and so small that it lies neglected in a corner covered with dust.  I’ll gladly leave my love shield behind me here on earth.  I won’t need it anymore.