What To Do If A Child Reports Abuse February 20, 2009

Here’s a text from another great site about child abuse:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

You may feel overwhelmed and confused if a child begins talking to you about abuse. It is a difficult subject and hard to accept, and you might not know what to say. The best help you can provide is calm, unconditional support and reassurance. Let your actions speak for you if you are having trouble finding the words. Remember that it is a tremendous act of courage for children to come forward about abuse. They might have been told specifically not to tell, and may even feel that the abuse is normal. They might feel they are to blame for the abuse. The child is looking to you to provide support and help- don’t let him or her down.

Avoid denial and remain calm. A common reaction to news as unpleasant and shocking as child abuse is denial. However, if you display denial to a child, or show shock or disgust at what they are saying, the child may be afraid to continue and will shut down. As hard as it may be, remain as calm and reassuring as you can.

Don’t interrogate. Let the child explain to you in his/her own words what happened, but don’t interrogate the child or ask leading questions. This may confuse and fluster the child and make it harder for them to continue their story.

Reassure the child that they did nothing wrong. It takes a lot for a child to come forward about abuse. Reassure him or her that you take what is said seriously, and that it is not the child’s fault.

Reporting child abuse and neglect

Reporting child abuse seems so official. Many people are reluctant to get involved in other families’ lives. However, by reporting, you can make a tremendous difference in the life of a child and the child’s family, especially if you help stop the abuse early. Early identification and treatment can help mitigate the long-term effects of abuse. If the abuse is stopped and the child receives competent treatment, the abused child can begin to regain a sense of self-confidence and trust. Some parents may also benefit from support, parent training and anger management.

Reporting child abuse: Myths and Facts

• I don’t want to interfere in some one else’s family. The effects of child abuse are lifelong, affecting future relationships, self esteem, and sadly putting even more children at risk of abuse as the cycle continues. Help break the cycle of child abuse.
• What if I break up someone’s home? The priority in child protective services is keeping children in the home. A child abuse report does not mean a child is automatically removed from the home – unless the child is clearly in danger. Support such as parenting classes, anger management or other resources may be offered first to parents if safe for the child.
• They will know it was me who called. Reporting is anonymous. In most states, you do not have to give your name when you report child abuse. The child abuser cannot find out who made the report of child abuse.
• It won’t make a difference what I have to say. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it is better to be safe than sorry. Even if you don’t see the whole picture, others may have noticed as well, and a pattern can help identify child abuse that might have otherwise slipped through the cracks.

Child Abuse Hotlines: Where to call to get help or report abuse

• If you suspect a child is in immediate danger contact law enforcement as soon as possible.
• To get help in the U.S., call:
  1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) – Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
• To get help for child sexual abuse, call:1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) – Stop It Now

  1-800-656-HOPE Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) 

Continuing on with ambivalence…. January 9, 2008

Dr. Dan Allender again states that,” Intimacy begets longing, and longing is interpreted as sexual. Passion destroys; therefore, it must either be avoided or conquered.”
How very true is this statement, the wound deepens as shame and contempt continue their hellish cycle. I began as a young woman to develop a deep hatred of longing and so I learned to deaden my soul.  I could describe myself as a house with the lights on, but never at home. Never feeling alive within myself. Deadening my soul in order to survive, afraid of feeling anything too deeply. Disengaging myself from the wounds of my soul.

Again Dr. Allender says “ Ambivalence robs a person of the joy of being alive as a man or woman. And makes pleasure-any experience of enjoyment- highly suspect and dangerous.”
It would take me years before I could begin to enjoy being a woman and to let compliments whether from my husband or others to begin to penetrate the outer layer of protection that I had so firmly built in place.

When I was in my thirties I received from my friend, Sandi, a porcelain figurine of a little girl kneeling to pray. In her arms she held a teddy bear and surrounding her were tiny rosebuds. Her hair was done up in curls with rosebuds and daisies scattered through out. Her dress pink and frilly…. she was adorable and it played the tune “Jesus loves me”.
This little figurine portrayed to me the angelic appearance of what childhood should be, innocent, pure, and unblemished.
Along with the gift was a card that read, “If I could I would give you back the childhood innocence and the carefree happiness and unconditional love that was denied you but I can’t my friend. But I can give you this beautiful little girl. It’s from the little girl inside of me to the little girl inside of you. And as I give you this gift I send up a prayer that someday soon the little girl inside of you will allow the woman you’ve become to look at herself in the mirror and honestly love who she sees there, just as she knows her precious Jesus does.”

I thanked her in my usual soulless way. (by the way, after I began to heal Sandi and I talked about this as I felt true remorse for my lack of genuine response, I thank God that she saw through my walls and saw who Jesus saw).

Later after I went home I stood in front of a mirror. And as I looked at the woman in the mirror I knew that I didn’t love the woman I saw there. All I saw was the little girl who had been programmed to believe she was of no value.
I also saw at that time that my style of relating to people was like plastic fruit. The appearance was good and tasty, but something real, alive and nourishing was missing. I had learned to live without passion for anything or anyone, other than the drive to stay sufficiently in control. Because in truth, deep down I was afraid that my unseen, fragile core would come unglued if the deep realities were faced.

Receiving the gift and card made me take a long, honest look at myself. And for the first time in my life I opened the window to my soul and I began to grieve.

I will leave off here for now and continue later.