A Humble Heart October 4, 2009

Do you want to know the joy and freedom of having a humble heart? Or do you fear it as I often have? I think we usually use the word humble incorrectly. We use it to mean shame or humiliation, like when we say ‘he had to eat humble pie’. In fact, pride and shame are two sides of the same coin. When I succeed and feel pride in what I’ve done I get no lasting satisfaction from it. That’s because deep inside I know that I could have failed and that I might fail the next time. Pride always has hidden shame crouching inside of it. What goes up must come down.

Humility is a completely different animal. Humility is a prerequisite to knowing God and drawing closer to Him. Listen to this:
Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before God when you heard what he spoke against this place and its people, and because you humbled yourself before me and tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the LORD. (II Chronicles 34:27 ~NIV)
And this:
He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. (Psalm 25:9 ~NIV)
And this:
For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation. (Psalm 149:4 ~NIV)

Among others, Moses, David, and Daniel were referred to in the Bible as humble men. Each of these men had a close walk with God. They were God’s intimate companions and trusted messengers. In fact, Jesus himself was described as one who humbled himself and became obedient to the Father.

Recently I had the courage to ask God for a humble heart for the first time in my life. To have a humble heart but not a shame-filled one; this is the next step in my journey.

Where Am I? August 22, 2009

In case you are wondering I have been extremely busy and unable to write.  I really miss this opportunity to work on my relationship with God ‘out loud’.  He’s still working with me in the mean time, always leading me in the paths of righteousness.  I hope to be able to share my thoughts with you again in a couple of months. 

God bless you!

Lisa

The Art of Letting Go….. July 15, 2009

I came across this several years ago and find that I go back to it now and again….it is a good reminder of how we should let go and what it means to let go. Some people have attachments to others, to money, to beliefs systems or to self-image. Some of us are most attached to how other people think about them, but this leads to suffering.  In letting go, we choose to detach ourselves to preconception, prejudice and judgment. It is not a physical action, letting go of someone doesn’t mean to physically leave or to throw them out of the house. What “letting go” means is detachment and opening your heart.

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “let go” is not to cut myself off. It’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another. It’s to make the most of myself.
To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.

Author Unknown

More from ‘God is No Fool’ May 30, 2009

This book I’m reading is really speaking to my heart.  I believe it’s been out of print until recently this year when the 40th anniversary edition came out.  If you have the chance to read ‘God is No Fool’ by Lois A. Cheney you won’t be disappointed.  Here’s a piece that challenged me today:

“When we have grown past praying for personal peace,

When we have matured past praying for comfort,

When we have moved past praying for self,

When we move into praying for strength to act,

I think we are then making the most important prayer there is.”

 

God bless you, dear reader.

Relationship Abuse May 11, 2009

I am sharing these two articles: the first one, what is verbal abuse and now this one on relationship abuse because this needs to be brought to the forefront of North American consciousness–naming and defining verbally abusive relationships. There are many books and resources dealing with the devastating effect of this “secret form of control.” If you would like some resources please email us.

It has been said; “there is no single definition of relationship abuse.  Each intimate relationship is unique and each abusive intimate relationship is unique too.” 

However as you look back on your relationships, you will discover certain signs, clues and characteristics that will demonstrate clearly if the relationships are unhealthy or abusive.  Two of these signs are common to virtually all cases of relationship abuse.  

First, relationship abuse usually involves a pattern of abusive events.  Except in rare cases, a single incident usually does not constitute abuse.  Instead, there is typically a pattern of repeated destructive behavior that escalates over time.

 Second, abusive relationships involve the use of power and control.  The abuser’s goal is to ensure that he or she is in complete control of you and the relationship.  Their controlling tactics may be subtle and not easily recognized.  It may seem that their taking control of your time, friends, and daily activities was a sign of caring and wanting only the best for you.  As time went by, the control you once had over your life disappeared.  Gradually using a wide range of strategies, they were able to render you totally powerless and place themselves in complete control of the relationship.  Verbal abuse can be extremely painful and damaging and its effects long lasting.  It could be termed a “SILENT KILLER.” As with physical violence, verbal abuse can take many forms, but the goal is to change your self point of view.  Verbal abuse is designed to make you feel powerless.

One of its main focuses is to make you feel “worthless.”  Verbal abuse takes a tremendous emotional toll!  Here is a partial list of behaviors that are included in verbal abuse.

1. Yelling	7. Intimidating	13. Name-calling
2. Accusing	8. Humiliating	14. Belittling
3. Using sarcasm	9. Putting you down	15. Rejecting your opinion
4. Threatening	10. Ridiculing	16. Criticizing
5. Insulting	11. Blaming	17. Mocking
6. Treating you with scorn	12. Disparaging your ideas	18. Trivializing your desires

 In the book Free Yourself From An Abusive Relationship Andrea Lissette, M.A. CDVC and Richard Kraus, Ph.D. the co-authors make the statement “We find abuse is like a thief in the night destroying, plundering and devastating its victims.  It causes damage, destruction, emotional and physical pain, severe loss and disfiguration, and leaves lasting scars.  Verbal abuse can creep into a relationship slowly as humiliating comments or devastating criticism:  “You’ll never understand this no matter how may times I explain it.”  “What are you doing this time, dummy?”  “You look ridiculous!”  Verbal abuse can be open and in- your-face or it can be subtle and devious.  Verbal abuse betrays love, ends trust and destroys life.” 

As common as verbal abuse is, many people are unsure whether they are being verbally abused.  Many do not know what to do even if they become aware that they are being verbally abused.  Abusers lie and manipulate their victims.  They blame the victims for the abuse and they deny their abusive acts.  Because of this and the danger involved, it is difficult for victims to confront the abuser in their relationships.  THE IMPORTANT KEY HERE IS THAT THE VICTIMS RECOGNIZE THAT THEY ARE SUFFERING FROM VERBAL ABUSE.

Children in need April 30, 2009

The following post was sent to me and I felt that it needed to be shared here as well in order to bring it to the attention of as many people as possible~thank you Sunny!

Just wanted to send a little shout out that this is Child Abuse Awareness Month. Protect.org is putting out staggering statistics that human trafficking for sex and labor trade is the biggest illegal trade and profit in our world today – which means it is in the most demand. As awareness grows more and more in our nation for this issue, I just continue to pray that involvement will catch up to the need . . . that God will raise up people willing to get involved and make a difference!

Not to dilute any other month or the ongoing need but in the spirit of awareness this month, I wanted to ask you all to take a moment to pray with me for these children in particular. And to pray for the organizations below. Also consider becoming a member to support them in the fight for children. Recently, Oprah featured John Walsh on her program and he encouraged people to write a letter to their senators and congressmen asking them to support Adam Walsh’s Act- which aids greatly in fighting for exploited children.

Since her organization provides a well-written letter and very easy access to sign and send this letter to your Senators, I’m including the website below:

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090220-tows-adam-walsh-act

The first non-profit organization I’d like to share with you is one started by a friend who is heading back to Thailand . . . her name is Celeste and she is an amazing person. She has worked with a lot of young people and organizations over the past several years and feel God has put a burden on her heart for a real need to help young boys in Thailand. She has helped boys from age 8 and up. She is doing something many are not willing to. She doesn’t know that I’m asking for prayers for her, but I know that any prayers or support would be greatly appreciated by her and those she helps. I truly appreciate her heart. The work she does is life-changing . . .

www.dtonnaam.org

Some organizations to pray for:

www.breakingchains.org

www.polarisproject.org

www.notforsalecampaign.org

www.rickymartinfoundation.org

Father, I just thank You for Your Great love to us all. I ask for Your special empowerment for these groups and individuals, like Celeste, who are actively working to make a difference in the lives of children in need. That they will have more and more open doors to be able to do what needs to be done and the support to do it. Father, I just ask for Your abundant grace and protection on the innocent children who have found themselves forced into a horror that only Your love and Your intervention and intervention by others can help and heal. Help us to help them. To love as You want us to love. And to widen our hearts to their need and how we can serve. In Jesus’ name . . .

Thank you so much for praying with me! Thank you for caring. I know there are many other organizations and the more the better! But these are a few I’ve had some contact with, so I’m mentioning these in particular.

God’s blessings on you all . . .

Lessons From A Shirt Rack April 16, 2009

This week my daughter was being honored at a special event and needed a new shirt to wear.  The pride and joy I felt in her accomplishments helped to balance out the welling anxiety and frustration shopping often triggers in me.  Many frustrations and bitter memories rooted in the clothes I wore at her age have left me more than a little traumatized.  So maybe it was her rumbling excitement or maybe it was the growth I’ve experienced within myself over the last few years, but this trip felt different.

My daughter browsed the racks of clothes with delight at the opportunity to express to the world the person she really is.  It was as if we were standing in a field of flowers searching for just the right combination of blossoms.  Each characteristic was weighed carefully against her well-assessed evaluation of her own personality.  Peace signs but not hearts, green but not pink, eagles but not butterflies.  I watched with a growing awareness of myself as an alien attempting to raise a human child.  But in her presence I sensed a turning within.  Things I rejected so deeply within me… on her seemed so… right.  My daughter was asking more from that shirt than warmth and modesty.  She was quietly and confidently requesting respect.  In choosing it she made an uncompromising offering to the world of her God-imaged individuality and I found it all …  somehow … Beautiful!

How To Honor Abusive Parents April 8, 2009

It’s easy enough for someone to lay down the law about how a Christian should honor his or her parents.  But any given situation is not always as straightforward as it looks from the outside.  I know.  For the last ten years trying to understand how to honor my abusive parents as God would have me do has been my primary spiritual work.  I intensely long to live out God’s deepest truths in this.  Today (that’s all I can speak for at the moment) this is how I do it:

1) Forgive them.  There is no greater freedom I’ve experienced than laying aside the resentment from the injustice committed against me.  When more pain bubbles up I am blessed again with the freedom to forgive.

2) Acknowledge their importance in my life and the good things they have done for me.  The Hebrew word for honor is also used to mean heavy or weighty.  I am literally made up of the genetic code of my mother and father.  And while that thought mostly terrifies me, it helps to remember my parents were created in God’s image.  No sin they commit can change who God really had in mind when He made them.

3) Live the truth.  Keeping family secrets and living family lies is not honoring.  For me it is idolatry.  At this moment I am not able to keep in contact with my parents and still live in the truth.  One day, I hope I will.

4) Stand for justice.  I honor my parents by writing on this blog and by speaking out against child abuse.  My parents were abused children who had no one to rescue them.

5) Be an honorable person.  I try to live in a way that would make them proud if they were able to see things clearly, even though they don’t know about it.

 

How do you honor your parents?

Nothing to Say? March 29, 2009

Just over a year ago Connie and I decided to start this blog.  At that time I had a written down a few stories already.  Well, more like vomited them out to be honest.  You can read them in the category called ‘A Farewell to Shame.’  I thought at that time that what I had written was all I had to say.  

Somehow, we’ve managed to keep this blog going for over a year now.  Now I find myself at a crossroads – and I’m not sure where I want to go.  We wanted to write a blog about child abuse.  We wanted to provide resources and community – or at least a listening ear to anyone who needed it.  I think we’ve done that to some extent.  I don’t know if we helped anyone else, but I got a lot better by writing.

Now as I look at the computer screen in front of me I ask myself – where do I go from here?  The burning need to rehash the past has gone – healed mostly – believe it or not!  I’m closer – so much closer – to God than I was a year ago and surprisingly He is not who I thought He was – He’s MUCH MUCH better!  So… where do I go from here?  Do I stop writing?  Do I take a break?  Do I change course – writing about Christian life and walk and healing – not healing alone?  Do I continue to stay anonymous?  These are the questions I’ve been asking myself and God.  Now I’d like to ask you.  Where do I go from here?

Two Letters I Invite You All to Write March 19, 2009

Howard S. Boney, Jr.              

 P.O. Box B

Tarboro, NC 27886

 

Dear Mr. Boney,

Last summer I was one of millions of Americans who heard about the murder of Tyler McMillan on the news. Since then his story has haunted me and I often remember the cruel torture this sweet boy endured before he died. Any parent or step-parent who can commit such a crime is beyond comprehension. Something has to change. If we don’t ensure that Tyler gets justice we are just as guilty as those who ignored his cries for help. Now one of Tyler’s killers has been released on bond – free to have contact with children – including her own daughter who could be called to testify against her! How can a child who has feared for her life find the strength to stand up and testify against a dangerous parent who has been set free after committing such a crime? We as a society are failing on every level to protect our children and act justly! Mr. Boney, you yourself have said, “As your District Attorney, I have promoted the rights of victims for more than twenty-six years. Child abuse is a crime in which all of society becomes its victim. Our children are our hope and our future.” Those are wonderful words, but if you fail to prevent Tyler’s killer from manipulating the system those words are meaningless. Please appeal for an immediate restraining order to prevent Sandra McMillan from any form of contact with her daughter. I am one of many, many people who want Justice For Tyler. But justice doesn’t just happen on it’s own. We must ensure it. Please do the right thing. The world is watching.

 

Judge Milton F. Fitch, Jr.

c/o Judicial District 7 – Edgecombe County Clerk of Superior CourtEdgecombe County Courthouse

PO Drawer 9 Tarboro, NC 27886

 

Dear Judge Fitch,

Last summer I was one of millions of Americans who heard about the murder of Tyler McMillan on the news. Since then his story has haunted me and I often remember the cruel torture this sweet boy endured before he died. Any parent or step-parent who can commit such a crime is beyond comprehension. Something has to change. If we don’t ensure that Tyler gets justice we are just as guilty as those who ignored his cries for help. Now one of Tyler’s killers has been released on bond – free to have contact with children – including her own daughter who could be called to testify against her! How can a child who has feared for her life find the strength to stand up and testify against a dangerous parent who has been set free after committing such a crime? We as a society are failing on every level to protect our children and act justly! Mr. Fitch, you are referred to as ‘Your Honor’. Our society affords honor to the men and women who sit in judgement and ensure justice. Your honor has not been earned by personal morality or professional accomplishment. It is bestowed by the people, borrowed if you will, so that you will in turn bestow honor on innocent victims by granting them justice. Please do the honorable thing and grant an immediate restraining order to prevent Sandra McMillan from any form of contact with her daughter. I am one of many, many people who want Justice For Tyler. But justice doesn’t just happen on it’s own. We must ensure it. Please do the right thing. The world is watching.