Children in need April 30, 2009

The following post was sent to me and I felt that it needed to be shared here as well in order to bring it to the attention of as many people as possible~thank you Sunny!

Just wanted to send a little shout out that this is Child Abuse Awareness Month. Protect.org is putting out staggering statistics that human trafficking for sex and labor trade is the biggest illegal trade and profit in our world today – which means it is in the most demand. As awareness grows more and more in our nation for this issue, I just continue to pray that involvement will catch up to the need . . . that God will raise up people willing to get involved and make a difference!

Not to dilute any other month or the ongoing need but in the spirit of awareness this month, I wanted to ask you all to take a moment to pray with me for these children in particular. And to pray for the organizations below. Also consider becoming a member to support them in the fight for children. Recently, Oprah featured John Walsh on her program and he encouraged people to write a letter to their senators and congressmen asking them to support Adam Walsh’s Act- which aids greatly in fighting for exploited children.

Since her organization provides a well-written letter and very easy access to sign and send this letter to your Senators, I’m including the website below:

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090220-tows-adam-walsh-act

The first non-profit organization I’d like to share with you is one started by a friend who is heading back to Thailand . . . her name is Celeste and she is an amazing person. She has worked with a lot of young people and organizations over the past several years and feel God has put a burden on her heart for a real need to help young boys in Thailand. She has helped boys from age 8 and up. She is doing something many are not willing to. She doesn’t know that I’m asking for prayers for her, but I know that any prayers or support would be greatly appreciated by her and those she helps. I truly appreciate her heart. The work she does is life-changing . . .

www.dtonnaam.org

Some organizations to pray for:

www.breakingchains.org

www.polarisproject.org

www.notforsalecampaign.org

www.rickymartinfoundation.org

Father, I just thank You for Your Great love to us all. I ask for Your special empowerment for these groups and individuals, like Celeste, who are actively working to make a difference in the lives of children in need. That they will have more and more open doors to be able to do what needs to be done and the support to do it. Father, I just ask for Your abundant grace and protection on the innocent children who have found themselves forced into a horror that only Your love and Your intervention and intervention by others can help and heal. Help us to help them. To love as You want us to love. And to widen our hearts to their need and how we can serve. In Jesus’ name . . .

Thank you so much for praying with me! Thank you for caring. I know there are many other organizations and the more the better! But these are a few I’ve had some contact with, so I’m mentioning these in particular.

God’s blessings on you all . . .

Self-Care April 27, 2009

I’ve decided to take some time and reflect on self-care….this is something that I still struggle with from time to time, maybe I am alone in this but I don’t think so. Victims of abuse often attempt to make up for negative feelings about themselves by taking extra good care of others.

As I’ve been doing some pondering I realized that although I’ve come a long way in this area I still struggle at times with self-care. Here are some things I’ve discovered; it takes great effort to give myself guilt free time to rest…although I long for it; it seems to be hard to do. There are still times when I treat myself with harshness and push on until I get sick. And what about the times I push myself at work and then ask myself why do I do that. Is it because I have a difficult time never saying no, never stating any limit of how much I can reasonably accomplish?

Am I alone in this or have you ever felt like you are doing too much as well, but keep pushing harder and harder anyway? Or maybe you don’t work too hard but perhaps treat yourself in a way that you wouldn’t dream of treating others. Are you impatient or intolerant of yourself, do you get easily annoyed with yourself, or tell yourself lies?

In my journey I have found that learning to take care of my needs will be a struggle when we are recovering from abuse.

Because abuse taught us that our needs don’t matter. But the messages of abuse are wrong.

I’ve read that abusers urge us to take care of them to excess, and to discount and ignore our own needs.

 We’ve been well-trained to consider any self-care as “selfish.”

 Part of my recovery journey has been learning to notice my own needs and then learn to care for myself. I am still in a place of figuring this out. Will you journey with me as we explore self-care and how we treat ourselves with love and respect?

 

 

God’s Promise of Restoration April 26, 2009

Joel 2:24-26

²⁴ The threshing floors will again be piled high with grain,
      and the presses will overflow with new wine and olive oil.

 ²⁵ The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost
      to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts,
   the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.
      It was I who sent this great destroying army against you.
 ²⁶ Once again you will have all the food you want,
      and you will praise the Lord your God,
   who does these miracles for you.
      Never again will my people be disgraced.

One of my favorite Scriptures is found in the book of Joel…. So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten…. What a great promise!

 Sadly sometimes it seems that the locusts have been busy in our lives, and often the landscapes of our experiences have left us scarred like a battlefield.

And sometimes even, there may be deep ruts where the enemy has made inroads in our lives….yet, God delights in restoring, rebuilding, repaying and renewing…and only God can do this.

 

As I have studied this passage of Scripture where God says; “So I will restore the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust and the chewing locust” we find there are four different kinds of locusts. One takes the flower, one takes the stem, one takes the leaf, and one takes the root, so when they are done there is virtually nothing left. Yet, God’s promise to us is that He will take us back from nothing and build us up again. That has been an awesome source of strength and encouragement in some of my most challenging and difficult times.

 

 

Our Lord delights to surprise and renew, to prove the impossible as possible, to make up for loss, and transform the ugliness of the cross into the glory of forgiveness. We don’t know how God will choose to do it, but I believe His word.

 

He WILL restore our lives and the years that have been consumed. We won’t leave this world until we have fulfilled His purpose for each of our lives. God is not tightfisted with his blessing. He promises to fully restore the lost years and bring us to a place where we will be completely satisfied. This is a lifeline, a hope we can hold on to when things look hopeless and we feel disheartened.

 

I read somewhere that He restores the years the locusts have eaten to demonstrate His grace, to bring Praise to His name, and to reveal His power.

 

And though we seem helpless to repair or heal the scars that remain in our lives, we can rest knowing that this is God’s terrain~because He alone can repair and resolve those dark places of doubt and despair in our lives…restoring to us the years the locusts have eaten….indeed it is the work of the Holy Spirit….and God takes great delight in restoring!!  

 

A dear friend once said that we don’t reclaim the years eaten by the locusts – the Lord restores them! Halleluiah!!

What to Do about Triggers April 23, 2009

Sometimes is can be hard to recognize when we are having triggers in the first place, so it can be difficult to do anything about it. But if you find yourself thinking about memories of abuse there are some things you can do.

First, I find it helps to share with your spouse and closest friends so they can support & pray for you through these difficult times. I have found also that it is important to identify what your triggers are because they often occur at the worst of times and sometimes it can be awkward & embarrassing to experience triggers while in public places or while being intimate with your spouse.  I believe it is also very important to come up with a specific plan of what to do the next time it happens.

 

 According to the Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor Network, the following guidelines can help a person stop having triggers:

1. STOP and become aware

2. CALM yourself

3. AFFIRM your present reality

4. CHOOSE a new response.

As soon as you find yourself reacting in a sudden, upsetting irrational way that feels out of control, stop.

Calm your body. Tell yourself something reassuring, such as “I’m safe, no one can hurt me now.”

Affirm your present reality, remind yourself that what you are doing and experiencing now is different from what happened during the abuse.

Choose a new response. Stop and realize what’s happening, calm yourself and affirm your present reality. And remember, practice makes perfect!

Other ways to manage triggers are:

1.) Have a notepad or a journal handy to write your thoughts and feelings down.

2.) Make sure that you are in a comfortable place.

3.) Sometimes it helps to remind yourself of the goals and aspirations you seek in life and the outcome they will bring in the long run and to remind you that you have a new life now and it can exist without the pain of the past.

5.) Learn to process your triggers, instead of getting angry at them or fearing them…find out what significance they have.  Learning to address those feelings help you heal so that you can begin to look at life in a new light without the fear tied to your past.

6.) Honor and comfort your pain. Trust your feelings; and learn to trust your perceptions in order to validate your experience.

 

If you have other techniques or have found steps to help you deal with triggers I would really like to hear about them and invite you to share them with us here.

 

 

Triggers and its causes….. April 17, 2009

When a child/teenager is sexually abused they lose their sense of security, safety, control and personal autonomy. Many people have specific and certain memories of the abuse that are often re-traumatizing and intrusive for them.

I read once that these memories or thoughts become automatic and are reactivated by something in everyday life that reminds them of the abusive memory. This can happen to us consciously or unconsciously, and the trigger can occur from a number of sources including: a touch, a smell, location or physical sensation. Triggers can happen anywhere, at any time.

Every survivor of sexual abuse is triggered in their very own way. When we are triggered, the current situation is associated with that past memory of abuse, and triggering becomes a learned coping mechanism. Sometimes one may experience a panic attack, distressed, feel out of control or emotional for no reason that they can explain at the time. Sometimes we might also encounter triggers in the form of flashbacks (specific memories) or nightmares.

What about triggers and our sexuality? Triggers are highly linked to one’s sexuality when they are sexually abused and sometimes our response might be fear, sadness, melancholy or another emotion, but they may take it and re-experience in the moment when they are being intimate with another because they don’t know what to do about it. Some have learned to accept sex and the trauma as co-existing together and they really do not know how to separate the two, so sex for them can be re-traumatizing for them every time they engage in it, but they may also not have the words to vocalize it to their spouse. When a person feels overwhelmingly sad, distressed, and guilty or dirty after sex this is often associated with the previous sexual abuse but they may not know it.

Triggers are like a constant reminder of what has happened to us but they are also a significant message telling us that we are still healing.

I’m going to spend some time on “triggers” and what we can do to about them. I will also share a personal story of one of my triggers and how I am still coming to terms with it, and how God is continuing to heal this specific trigger in my life.

I invite our readers to share with us their own personal stories, triggers and how you have coped with and how God has healed and has walked through this trigger, memory or situation with you. I would truly desire for you to share with us what you have learned about triggers in your own life, because I believe it’s important to know that we are never alone and that others understand and are with us on this journey as well.

Lessons From A Shirt Rack April 16, 2009

This week my daughter was being honored at a special event and needed a new shirt to wear.  The pride and joy I felt in her accomplishments helped to balance out the welling anxiety and frustration shopping often triggers in me.  Many frustrations and bitter memories rooted in the clothes I wore at her age have left me more than a little traumatized.  So maybe it was her rumbling excitement or maybe it was the growth I’ve experienced within myself over the last few years, but this trip felt different.

My daughter browsed the racks of clothes with delight at the opportunity to express to the world the person she really is.  It was as if we were standing in a field of flowers searching for just the right combination of blossoms.  Each characteristic was weighed carefully against her well-assessed evaluation of her own personality.  Peace signs but not hearts, green but not pink, eagles but not butterflies.  I watched with a growing awareness of myself as an alien attempting to raise a human child.  But in her presence I sensed a turning within.  Things I rejected so deeply within me… on her seemed so… right.  My daughter was asking more from that shirt than warmth and modesty.  She was quietly and confidently requesting respect.  In choosing it she made an uncompromising offering to the world of her God-imaged individuality and I found it all …  somehow … Beautiful!

He has made everything beautiful in His time. April 11, 2009

I try and go for a walk every day in our city park, but today was different…today it wasn’t just for the exercise it was for my soul…today I chose to walk at a slower pace deliberately seeking some tranquil moments…because I realize it’s only when I quiet the clamor of the outside world that I can hear the whisper of God’s voice giving me new direction.

 

This day the sky was overcast & grey, it felt dreary as I walked. It matched what I was feeling inside……not depressed, just tired, weary, and battle worn….I longed for some reprieve, for some sunshine….as I walked my thoughts turned to the Lord as I desired to commune with Him…but today, no words came…all I could say was Abba…and the moment I said Abba, the clouds parted and the sun shone through in all its brilliance marking the path ahead of me with light…..a magical tranquility took over.

 

Although the trees were a canopy of green covering me and offering their shade and beauty, the sun was able to penetrate even the thickest foliage and coverage. As the sun created a dappled effect through the trees I saw what I had been too busy in my thoughts to see before; the lush ferns and undergrowth shone many brilliant shades of green, the birds were singing the sweetest songs, and wild daisies and clover waved in the gentle breeze, and the smells were alive- there is nothing like the smells of a forest tickling the senses.

 

 I stopped by the gently flowing stream and stood with my eyes closed listening to the sound of the comforting water flowing. It was here the Lord spoke to my heart….and I heard Him. All sights and sounds faded as my Lord whispered to my spirit. He asked me to bring my heart, my disappointments to Him. He asked me to lay at His altar the expectations I have of myself to always be strong realizing instead He desires to make me into a woman of strength…and there is a difference….would I allow the disappointments in my life to strengthen me and teach me to respond to life in a loving and forgiving manner?……would I allow Him to whisper words of hope and encouragement into my ear that this season shall pass? 

As I quietly laid at His altar my disappointments and striving and brought them into the light of His promises and blessings I reconnected with my Abba again…striving~ugh, I detest that word~am I the only one who ever strives, will I always battle need to strive, will it always be a struggle?- but Lord I asked, didn’t I lay that at the altar years ago?…again His whisper- “yes daughter, but there are always new seasons with new expectations and demands, new problems and pain, yet with every season there is new hope….just as the sun comes up every morning, even though sometimes it is hidden by the clouds, each day will bring you a new ray of healing and renewed beauty”

 

…… as the soothing sounds of nature surrounded me and the water lapped around the edges of the river bank  I sensed the Holy Spirit washing over me. I felt like I was being cleansed and a new feeling of well-being washed over me as this Scripture came mind, “He has made everything beautiful in His time.”

 

And then Jesus asked if I would trust Him in this confusing, often lonely season? Would I trust those I love to Him? Would I trust that He knows my future and that He is good and trustworthy? Would I trust Him to redeem this season, to bring beauty and goodness in the midst of it and out of it? I said yes to the questions in my head…but I asked that He birth it in my heart as well….

 

….I took my time not wanting to go home and back to the busyness of life, I wanted to savor this moment…and then when I did finally get home; it is no coincidence that this was what I read in my devotional: “If you are in great pain right now, I want to encourage you to hang on. Just as a new day dawns every twenty-four hours, there is also an unshakeable promise that your pain will turn into joy, and your ashes into beauty. Some pain is with us for only a season, and if we persevere through it, we will recognize that God does have something glorious waiting for us-even in this lifetime. Can we trust that the different seasons we go through God will redeem, that some He will use to teach us something, some He will use to bring our healing, some are for building our character, while others are simply painful…but we must believe there is also a season of blessings and beauty. The Scripture was Eccl: 3:11, “He has made everything beautiful in His time.”

 

“Abba, thank you for all the wonderful promises that gives us hope. I praise and thank you that this life is not all there is, and that you have wonderful plans for our lives- not just the here and now, but in the glorious future that You have already prepared for us. May we see each incident in this life through the eternal perspective of Your promises”

 

It is when I pause in the busyness of my day and look up that I see the sun breaking through the clouds and I get a glimpse of the glorious sky…I see the luminous blue summer sky once more….it is when I quiet my heart long enough and look heavenward that I hear Him speak and become aware once again of the majestic magnitude of my God, the Creator of heaven, earth and my soul. When I quiet the clamor of the outside world I can hear the whisper of God’s voice giving me new direction and hope. He sustains me.

How To Honor Abusive Parents April 8, 2009

It’s easy enough for someone to lay down the law about how a Christian should honor his or her parents.  But any given situation is not always as straightforward as it looks from the outside.  I know.  For the last ten years trying to understand how to honor my abusive parents as God would have me do has been my primary spiritual work.  I intensely long to live out God’s deepest truths in this.  Today (that’s all I can speak for at the moment) this is how I do it:

1) Forgive them.  There is no greater freedom I’ve experienced than laying aside the resentment from the injustice committed against me.  When more pain bubbles up I am blessed again with the freedom to forgive.

2) Acknowledge their importance in my life and the good things they have done for me.  The Hebrew word for honor is also used to mean heavy or weighty.  I am literally made up of the genetic code of my mother and father.  And while that thought mostly terrifies me, it helps to remember my parents were created in God’s image.  No sin they commit can change who God really had in mind when He made them.

3) Live the truth.  Keeping family secrets and living family lies is not honoring.  For me it is idolatry.  At this moment I am not able to keep in contact with my parents and still live in the truth.  One day, I hope I will.

4) Stand for justice.  I honor my parents by writing on this blog and by speaking out against child abuse.  My parents were abused children who had no one to rescue them.

5) Be an honorable person.  I try to live in a way that would make them proud if they were able to see things clearly, even though they don’t know about it.

 

How do you honor your parents?

No Condemnation April 7, 2009

I came across this devotional awhile back and saved it in my documents, it is worth rereading and sharing it here…..“

Today’s Scripture

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit” (Romans 8:1).

Jesus came to break the curse of sin, shame and condemnation in our lives. He came so that we could see things the way God sees them. Do you know how God sees you? He sees you as valuable. He sees you as strong. He sees you as capable, talented and trustworthy. The voice of condemnation says exactly the opposite. Condemnation is a loss of value. It’s the accusing voice of the enemy that says, “You’re not good enough…you’ll never be good enough…you’re a failure.” Condemnation is never from God. The Bible tells us there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. When you embrace and declare God’s truth in your life, you activate His power to overcome the voice of condemnation. No matter how you may be feeling, wake up every morning and declare that the Greater One lives in you. Declare that you are strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Declare that He loves you and has called you according to His purpose. Choose to see yourself as valuable, the way God sees you. Embrace His truth so that you can overcome condemnation and live in victory all the days of your life!

A Prayer for Today

Father in heaven, thank You for setting me free from condemnation. Thank You for believing in me and filling me with Your vision for my life. Help me to see my life the way You see it. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

False Guilt April 5, 2009

Penny Parks in her book “Rescuing the Inner Child” says that the most crippling aspect of incest is “self sabotage caused by misplaced feelings of guilt”. So many victims of abuse internalize guilt and shame within themselves when really it belongs to the abuser. The result is feelings of poor self esteem, people who are willing to accept so little in their lives and relationships, and even more sadly, when good things come along they are reluctant to embrace or do not feel they are worthy of them.

Sexual and physical abuse, in particular, scars the victim deeply, and often the victims falsely blame themselves. They continue to carry this false sense of guilt with them throughout their adult lives and relationships.

Recovery from abuse involves breaking the conspiracy of silence and deception perpetrated by abusers. As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous, we are as sick as our secrets. Only the truth, however painful, can really set us free. Secrecy keeps us chained to our abusers.

Part of the cycle of abuse is that abusers are very skilled at blaming the victim. Many abuse victims internalize these false accusations and begin to blame themselves. Sexual abuse victims often carry a false sense of guilt and shame.  I have found part of breaking the silence is to talk about the abuse and the effects it has had and continues to have on us. Talking with a qualified, caring counselor, a recovery group or one or two trusted, close friends helps us in our journey of truth.

Sometimes, at least for me, it seems I make progress only to have something trip me up and then I must go back and face the false guilt again. Slowly I am understanding that false guilt is a major reason why I so often live in fear. The fear of abandonment, failure, rejection, so many of my fears are the result of feeling guilty for something that doesn’t deserve it. Even now, as an adult I still struggle with false guilt. A counselor once told me that I was like an open receptacle, like the electrical plug-ins in a wall; if there was any guilt or blame to be had I would be the one to quickly accept it. Even when it wasn’t my fault, just plug it in to me, I’ll take the blame. False guilt. It is often easier for me to accept blame for something that isn’t mine because then I don’t need to go through the work of processing and accepting what is or isn’t mine, taking responsibility for what belongs to me and allowing others to own what is theirs. By doing the hard work of placing blame where it belongs and accepting  that I am not to blame for everything, I am then free to accept the truth that I am not responsible for the wrong choices of others. Something as a child I had been programmed to believe.